(Though I usually get along well with my coworkers, there is one who rubs me the wrong way.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. Could you dump this in the machine please?”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Because I hurt my shoulder and can’t pick up the bucket with one hand. If you don’t want to do it I’ll ask someone else—”

Coworker: “Well, when did you hurt it? I saw you pick up a bucket of ice yesterday.”

Me: “Three days ago, and that bucket was empty. This one is full to the top with ice. Just forget it. I’ll ask someone else.”

Coworker: “No. I’ll do it after you admit you’re just being lazy.”

(I decide to ignore her and turn to ask someone else for help when another coworker stomps up and throws the ice in the machine.)

Other Coworker: “THERE! Was that so d*** hard? Next time someone asks you for help either do what they ask or tell them no. Don’t waste everyone’s time by trying to pick a fight. Nobody cares!”

(I work the front end of a printing shop. Our press operator comes strolling out on his way to the toilets, wiping his hands on a rag. Both are covered in ink and chemicals that I can smell from my desk across the room.)

Me: “Jeez, that’s some potent stuff.”

Press Operator: “Yeah. You know, it’s a d*** good thing we don’t live in Canada.”

Me: “What? Why’s that? Don’t like the cold?”

Press Operator: “Nope. Because that new cleaner that the owner bought me causes cancer in Canada, but I’ll be safe down here.”

(My son has managed to urinate on my phone. I towel dry it but it won’t turn on. I put it in a waterproof zipped bag and take it to the big superstore to buy another one. I approach the camera section since no one is in the phone section.)

Employee: “What can I do you for you today?”

Me: “Well, uh, my phone… Well, let’s just say it got wet.” *nervous laugh* “And, well, I was just wondering if you could follow me over to the phone section so I could buy another phone. I’ve already removed the SIM card and battery.”

Employee: “I’m going to need to see the back of the phone.”

(He proceeds to rub the back of the phone through the bag which, of course, is unsuccessful. He puts the bag down and moves to open it.)

Me: “NO! DON’T! My, uh. Well, my kid peed on it and I really don’t want you to touch it. I just want you to come with me so you can unlock the phone display so I can buy another one.”

(After hastily dropping the bag, the employee is now regarding me suspiciously.)

Employee: “How long ago did you buy your phone?”

Me: “Two months ago, I think. I didn’t purchase the warranty or anything. Again, could you please just come over and unlock the phone case? I just want to buy another phone. I’m just showing you the old one so you know which one I want.”

(The employee suddenly jerks back and starts looking at me like I’m a whole new species.)

Employee: “Wait, you want me to go unlock the phone so you can buy a new phone?!”

Me: “Um, yes? That is what I’ve been trying to get across to you this whole time.”

Employee: “You don’t want a free phone or an exchange? You really want to buy a new phone?!”

Me: “Last I checked you can’t get a free replacement for damaging your old phone with liquid damage so… yes? Just come with me.”

(I start making ‘follow me’ motions with my hands. After gazing at me warily the employee finally concedes to following me all the while mumbling in a very bewildered tone. We manage to find the exact phone I want and I purchase it. Towards the end an older employee walks up. As I walk off I hear the younger employee talking to the older one.)

Employee: “Dude, that lady just bought herself a new phone because she broke her old one! She didn’t complain! I didn’t get yelled at! Did that happen or am I hallucinating?”

Older Employee: *awed tone* “Whoa. That never happens.”

(My boyfriend and I have just walked into a coffee shop that is quite busy.)

Manager: “I’ll be with you guys in just a minute.”

Me: “Okay!”

(The manager turns away from my boyfriend and me, to his employees.)

Manager: “So corporate is making a big deal about stepping up our customer service this year. We are offering a survey. If customers fill it out then they get specials and such sent to them. We really want to stress this year how important our customers are…”

(The manager goes on like this for several minutes, the entire time stressing how important their customer service is. Finally, another employee finishes making several drinks for other people and comes over to take our drink orders.)

Employee #1: “Sorry about the wait guys. What can I get for you?”

Me: “It’s no problem. I will have [drink] and my boyfriend will have a [other drink].”

Employee #1: “No problem. That’ll be [total]. It’ll be just a minute before its ready.”

Me: “Okay.”

Employee #1: “Hey, [Manager]. Can you please make these two their drinks while I get the line down?”

Manager: “Sure! It’ll be just a minute, guys.”

Me: “No problem!”

(To my surprise, the manager turns away from us again and starts talking to his employees, still stressing the importance of extra good customer service. Once again a different employee steps in to make our drinks. At this point we have been in the store for nearly 15 minutes.)

Employee #2: “I am so sorry about the wait, you guys. Here are your drinks.”

Me: “It’s no problem at all!”

(My boyfriend and I had a good laugh about being ignored repeatedly by a man explaining how important good customer service is.)

Me: “Hello. IT Help Desk. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Caller: “Yes. I logged a job the other day. It’s been resolved already, so I’d just like to close it.”

(I proceed to take the reference number. I load the job up, thinking this will be a quick and easy call.)

Me: “Okay. That’s all sorted for you. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes. I’d just like to ask. When I phoned the other day and logged this fault, someone came and fixed it five minutes later.”

Me: “Well I’m… glad to hear that?”

Caller: “No, but—why, when I wasted all that time trying to get through to you, did no one tell me it had already been logged?”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we have a dozen staff taking hundreds of calls from thousands of users. If you tell us there’s a fault to log we can only take your word for it.”

(This clearly wasn’t the right answer. The user gets more and more agitated.)

Caller: “Yes, but, don’t you keep track of these things? Can’t you keep track of all these jobs? Why couldn’t someone have told me?”

Me: “Ma’am, if you’d told us you didn’t know whether or not it was logged, we could’ve investigated. We could have spent time trying to ascertain if a call had already been made to us regarding the issue. We certainly couldn’t do that as a routine matter for every call we receive.”

Caller: “I just don’t understand why the person I spoke to didn’t know! My time is very valuable. I’m a very busy person. I wasted a lot of time on that call!”

(This goes back and forth for a while. We’re reaching the 10 minute mark.)

Me: “I can only apologise again that we were unaware your fault had already been logged before you called. However, with all due respect, you didn’t know either. It is your printer. Also, even if we had told you, your complaint was about the length of time it took you to get through. It was time you would’ve wasted whether or not we logged your duplicate call. Finally, ma’am, your complaint is that you wasted your valuable time speaking to IT unnecessarily. Yet you’ve been going around in circles about this with me for 10 minutes now. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how else to answer your question. I am happy to hear that we were able to resolve your issue so quickly, though.”

Caller: *click*