(Every year, my mother takes my sister and I to see the Christmas lights in my hometown. I am 17, and my sister is 14. We’ve been bickering for the last hour, as we’re stuck in a car together.)

Mom: “All right you two, that’s enough! I want you to look at the Christmas lights!”

Me: “We are looking at them!”

Sister: “Yeah, we’ve been appreciating them.”

Mom: “You’re not ‘ooh’ing and ‘aah’ing!”

Sister and I: *in unison, monotone* “Ooooooh, aaaaaaaah.”

Mom: “We’re going home.”

Me: *to my two-year-old daughter* “You only have a couple weeks left to convince Santa that you’ve been good this year.”

Daughter: *puts her hands on her hips* “Well, I guess I better just give up, then!”

(My boss is always working on little advertising schemes. Her latest appears to be a ‘dinner with Santa’ deal. However, she neglects to tell anyone who is going to be working that day. I find out on a Friday, a little more than a week before it’s scheduled to happen, by seeing a flyer on the door. I realize that it’s a day that I usually waitress alone. After asking several coworkers and realizing none of them know any more about it than I do, I make it a point to ask my boss for more details. I’m mostly curious to know who she’s asking to waitress with me. I assume it’ll be busy and we’ll need the help.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss]. Who’s working with me on that ‘dinner with Santa’ deal?”

Boss: “Who normally buses with you?”

Me: “Well, [Coworker]. But, I meant, who’s waitressing with me?”

Boss: “Do you think we’ll need a second waitress?”

Me: “Do you think we’ll be busy?

Boss: “I hope we’ll be busy! I sent out a ton of flyers!”

Me: “…”

Boss: “Maybe we need a second waitress for that night…”

(It is my first week of my first retail job. This supermarket has only just reopened after being destroyed in an earthquake. It is also a week before Christmas. Due to the time of year, the novelty of the new store, and the fact that almost every single worker is still in training, it is completely packed. I am halfway through an 8-hour shift.)

Me: “Here you go, $10.50 change. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(I go on to serve the next customer, but the first comes back immediately.)

Customer: “Excuse me. You gave me too much change.”

(She holds out her change. I had not given her a $10 note as I should have, but a $100 note.)

Me: “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! Thank you so much for bringing that back!”

Customer: “No worries. You just be careful.”

(I’ve been a lot better at change ever since!)

(I am targeted by a saleslady in the shopping centre. I have tried looking away when she called me and asking her why she’s stopped me. I informed her that I am in a rush. She has ignored all of this, barely listening to anything I have said. I am losing patience.)

Saleslady: “Have you started Christmas shopping yet?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saleslady: “Great. Now, would you like—”

Me: “Hang on. Can we save some time? Is what you’re about to try to sell me under £5 and suitable for a secret Santa gift for my 50 year old boss, who is male?”

Saleslady: “…what?”

Me: “As I said, I am in a rush. I’m here for one thing only, to find a gift that is under £5 and is suitable for a man in his 50s who is also my boss. If that’s this, great.”

Saleslady: “Uh…”

Me: “Is that the product?”

Saleslady: “No?”

Me: “Ah. Okay, then.”

Saleslady: “You know what? I don’t think I can help you today.”

Me: “That’s a shame. Goodbye, then.”

(I walk away as she stares at me. I need to end up with weird present missions more often.)