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Don’t Mess With Mum

, , | Right | August 4, 2008

(I’m working in a busy cafe that my mum owns. A man approaches the counter with his plate; it is empty.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Mum: “Yes?”

Customer: “This food had too much oil in it.”

(The plate is hidden from her view by the large counter, behind which, she is washing dishes.)

Mum: “Oh…? What, you want me to make you another one? You’d still have to pay for at least one.”

Customer: “No, I want a refund.”

Mum: “Can I see the plate?”

(Customer holds up plate; it is basically empty: some leftover slices of lettuce, a little bit of bread.)

Customer: “There was too much oil. I didn’t like it.”

Mum: “But… you finished it off. How can you finish a whole meal you hate? Are you kidding me?”

Customer: “No.”

Mum: “Get the f*** out of my store!”

Customer: “What?”

Mum: “F*** off!”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup!

Read the next Awesome Manager roundup story!

Read the Awesome Manager roundup!

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This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

, , | Right | August 4, 2008

(Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

Me: *feeds chickens*

Older Man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

Me: “Huh?”

Older Man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

Me: “?”

Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

Older Man: “…oh.”

Me: *completely at a loss*

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Thirteen Bucks Can Buy A Lot Of Beans

, , , , , | Right | August 4, 2008

Customer: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.”

Me: “Oh, yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.”

Customer: “So, you have it?”

Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.”

(We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.)

Me: “This is it.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “$12.99.”

Customer: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”

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Ah, Fathers, Part 3

, , , , | Right | August 3, 2008

(I worked at a store that cashes peoples personal cheques. A young, 17-ish boy approaches me.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to cash this cheque, please.” *hands over information*

Me: “Okay, everything looks good. Can I have the cheque, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(I scan the cheque through and an account pops up. It had been used before only two hours previous at another one of our stores not far from my location.)

Me: “Just give me a moment. I need to go to the back to verify your cheque, and I’ll be back with your money.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I go to the back of the store and call the number on the cheque. An older gentleman who I believe to be the customer’s father answers the phone.)

Customer’s Father: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. I believe your son is here with a cheque that you gave him and that he is wanting it to be cashed. I just wanted to make sure this was correct as we have cashed one already today for the same amount.”

Customer’s Father: *calmly* “What’s your address?”

Me: “It’s [address].”

Customer’s Father: “I’ll be down there in a few minutes. I don’t live far… Just don’t let my son leave.”

(I head back to the front to talk to the young customer.)

Me: “Hey, sorry this is taking so long…”

Customer: *explodes* “WHATEVER! You’re taking forever! This is my dad’s g**d**n cheque and it’s good! Why are you taking so long?! He has lots of money and he gave this to me to cash so that I could have the money!” *rants*

(As he is ranting, a large man about the size of Vin Diesel comes in the store. The look on his face is sheer anger. He just stands there in the lobby as his son reams me out.)

Me: *to customer* “Why don’t you ask your father?”

Customer’s Father: “YOU LITTLE B*****D!”

(I have never seen a boy try to run so fast out the door in my life. He only makes it to the parking lot outside the store before his father nabs him. Let’s just say his buttocks learned the value of a dollar.)

Related:
Ah, Fathers, Part 2
Ah, Fathers

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At Least He’s Being Honest

, , , | Right | August 3, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, where are your graphic novels?”

Me: “Graphic novel section? If you’ll just follow me, I ca–”

Customer: “No. Graphic novels.”

Me: “Graphic novels. Right this way–”

Customer: “No! Graphic novels!”

Me: “Graphic novels.”

Customer: “No… graphic novels!”

(A moment of silence passes…)

Customer: “Sorry, I’m feeling contrary.”

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