(We are in math class. Our teacher uses an overhead projector to teach lessons. Whenever he wants us to listen, he says:)

Teacher: “Everyone drop your pencils! This is important!”

(One day he must have been distracted.)

Teacher: “Okay! Drop your pants!”

(The class erupts in laughter.)

Teacher: “Pencil! I meant PENCIL! Now, don’t go telling your parents…”

(I’m on my second date with a girl I’ve met recently. We go to the cinema to see ‘The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug’ together. The movie has just ended.)

Me: “You know… This whole movie kinda set me on a mood to watch a The Lord Of The Rings marathon.”

Girl: “But the extended edition would last twelve hours!”

Me: “I mean, I know it’s a lot, but these movies are quite awesome.”

Girl: “Except for the parts of Brokeback Mount Doom.”

Me: “Well, yeah, but…”

Girl: “Why don’t we do a marathon of Star Wars instead?”

(Yup, she’s a keeper.)

(My gentleman friend is trying to find something on my kitchen table, and in the process drops and breaks my George Foreman grill. His eyes go wide and immediately apologizes.)

Friend: “Oh, man. I am so sorry. I will get you a new one. But that one was obviously a horcrux and I just saved all of our lives.”

Me: “So you are telling me that my grill actually contained a piece of a dark wizard’s soul?”

Friend: “Yes… Yes, it did.”

Me: “Sounds legit. Thank you for saving me!”

(He’s a keeper!)

(My best friend and I have a bit of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. One morning after we have had sex, he wakes me up with an obnoxious ringtone.)

Friend: “Get up, or we’ll be late for work!”

Me: “I need breakfast first.”

(He tosses a fast food bag at me.)

Friend: “Bon appétit.”

Me: “You should know that this is the least romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Friend: “Good!”

(I get awful period cramps. I’m on the couch, curled up in pain, when my boyfriend gets home.)

Me: “Baaaaaabbbbeeee!”

Boyfriend: *pull out a tub of ice cream* “Want a spoon?”

Me: “… Marry me?”