(My family is planning a trip to Disney World, so we get a DVD in the mail that helps show everything you can do. We’ve been there many times but still watch the DVD anyway. Currently, we’re watching a bit about their water parks.)

DVD: “And there are plenty of fun areas for your little squirts!”

Sister: “That’s such a gross word. ‘Squirts.’ Why do they even call kids that?”

Mom: “Because of all the pee they’re squirting in those pools.”

(My four-year-old brother is happily playing with my mom, when she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.)

Mom: “I’ll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom.”

Brother: “Why can’t Daddy go for you?!”

(I am the oldest of four kids and at my youngest sister’s friend’s birthday party. As most of the small children guests and their parents have gone home, I finally go in the bouncy house. Please note that I have been waiting most of my life to do this, and no children were harmed.)

Me: *sitting patiently on top of bouncy house slide*

Sister: *climbing ladder* “[My Name], move!”

Me: *puts hands on my sister’s shoulders* “Long live the king!”

(I then proceed to push her off the ladder, cackling wildly.)

(I’ve just turned nine, and my family is going on vacation, but there isn’t a room to be found. We get pretty much the last room in the town, a partially renovated honeymoon suite. One of the things they’ve done is remove the mirror that used to be over the bed. It’s pretty obvious because the ceiling was red when it was hung, and it’s white now. It’s the very first thing I notice when I enter the room.)

Me: “Look!” *points excitedly at ceiling* “It’s the flag of Japan!”

(My parents both try their hardest to stifle their laughter.)

Mom: “Very true! Good job.”

Me: *wonderingly* “Do all the rooms have foreign flags on the roof?”

Mom: *still trying very hard not to laugh out loud* “I don’t think so, dear. We just got the international room.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *looks at ceiling again* “That’s so cool!”

(The restaurant my husband and I decide to go to is really packed. It’s a buffet and the staff was working really hard to meet all the customer’s needs. They are doing an awesome job, too. We have just gotten to the head of the line and are just getting ready to place our order, when the manager comes bustling behind the counter and begins yelling at the two very tired and frazzled employees.)

Manager: “Why are there drinks here?”

(The manager points to two small beverages I hadn’t noticed until his tirade began.)

Manager: “This is unacceptable and will not happen again. Do I make myself clear?”

(A customer behind us starts talking to the employees.)

Customer: “You are doing an awesome job.”

Manager: “Why, thank you.”

Customer: “I wasn’t talking to you! That was for them!”

(Later I confronted the manager about his behavior and received an apology for his behavior and he acknowledged to me his waitresses were doing a great job.)