(It has just snowed nearly a foot, and the area we live in isn’t used to it. My husband and I are looking outside.)

Me: “I doubt the mail person is coming today.”

Husband: “Whatever happened to ‘not rain, not snow, nor dark of night…’ um… ‘evil shall not escape my sight.'” *pauses* “Wait, that’s Green Lantern.”

Me: “Dear, they work for the US government, not Oa.”

(My dad and I are huge nerds. My friend has been overseas in the army for two years and is finally back so he’s hanging out with us watching a movie. I’ve seen the movie already so to keep from ruining it for my friend I’ve been asking my dad about the actors.)

Me: “Is that they guy from Star Trek?”

Dad: “That guy? Yeah. He’s the one who wore the robe.”

Me: “And had that head thing!”

Dad: “Yeah, but he wasn’t the one with the hands!”

Me: “I thought so!”

Friend: “I’m not sure whether to be impressed or utterly terrified that I understood that conversation.”

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(My dad and I are driving to the store. Somehow the topic of dating comes up.)

Dad: “Men are horrible. They don’t deserve you. They will only break your heart.”

Me: “So, you want me to be a lesbian, then?”

Dad: “Yes. Because then you can’t get pregnant by accident.”

(My friends and I are in rehearsal for a musical. Our director employs an air horn if we get too unruly. She has just used it.)

Director: *jokingly* “Don’t worry. The hearing loss is only temporary if you’re more than six feet away.”

(We are about three feet away on the stage.)

Friend: “What did she say?”

(I and a few other friends laugh at this, taking it as a joke.)

Friend: *quietly* “… No, seriously. What did she say?”

(I’ve recently started a new job. I’m declining some food as I’m a vegetarian.)

New Boss: “So, you’re a vegetarian?!”

Me: “Yeah, I am, for the last year or so.”

New Boss: “Oh, I thought most vegetarians were thin.”

Me: “Umm…”