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University Of Homer Simpson

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

(I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a six-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

Me: “That’s right, sir.”

Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”


This story is part of our India roundup!

Read the next India Roundup story!

Read the India roundup!

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You Can Never Be Too Careful

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Young Girl: *about six years old* “Hi. I need a table for four, please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”

Young Girl: *screaming* “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”

(The mom, dad, and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young Girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young Girl: “Oh…”

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From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I just bought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you plug it in?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

Me: “Okay… why don’t you tell me what you did?”

Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

Me: “Then?”

Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

Me: “Ma’am… there is no accelerator on your computer.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

(In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)

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License To Breed

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A teen of about 16 or 17 is trying to buy alcohol. She is pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

Customer: “I just want to buy it, okay?”

Me: “May I please see some ID?”

Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

Me: “Um… that child is not your ID.”

Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

Me: “Of course…”

Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Customer: “God, keep your god-d*** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

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This Land Was Made For Me Not You

, , | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Hello. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like two bean burritos, two fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You mean fajitas?”

Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”

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