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Deception School Drop-Out

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2009

Me: “Your total is $42.98.”

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. Those pillows are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just got these pillows in today. They won’t be on sale for at least a few more weeks.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They say they’re on sale! You have to give me the sale price.”

Me: “Well, I’ll double-check for you, but I already sold a few others today and no one else paid a sale price for them.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? Because I already checked! They all say they’re on sale!”

(She points to the price tags on the pillows that have been haphazardly covered up by sale stickers.)

Me: “Yes, and those sale stickers also say that these pillows are napkins.”

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Bipartisan Barware

, , | Right | February 25, 2009

Customer: “You used to carry those drinking glasses that are shaped like soda pop bottles. Do you still have them?”

Me: “I believe so. Let me check with that department.”

Associate: *over walkie talkie* “Yes, we do have some. They’re in the barware section.”

Me: *to customer* “Okay, ma’am, we do have some–”

Customer: “No, I was just back there, and you only have the really big ones and the ones that are too small. You used to have the medium-sized ones that are just right. I told the boy back there that I needed the medium-sized ones.”

Me: “So… you already spoke to the department associate?”

Customer: “Yes, and he said that you don’t have them anymore. But I know that you do, because I saw Hillary Clinton drinking from one of them on the debates last night!”

Me: *to the associate* “Are we out of stock on those glasses, or are they discontinued?”

Associate: “Discontinued. I already spoke to someone about these glasses…”

Me: *to customer* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it looks like we’re not going to be carrying that particular size anymore–”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! He’s lying!”

Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

Customer: “He’s lying! I saw Hillary Clinton drinking out of one of these god-d*** glasses last night on the debate! And you’re trying to tell me that they don’t make them anymore?! I don’t think so. Why are you all lying?! If Hillary Clinton can drink out of one of these glasses, then they obviously are still making them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not saying that they’re not being made anymore. I’m saying that we’re no longer carrying that particular size in our store, that’s all.”

Customer: “Lies! I bet if Hillary Clinton came in here and asked for those glasses, you people would get off your a**es and check the back room for her!”

Me: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

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May We Suggest The Covert Cauliflowers

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2009

(I’m restocking a salad bar at a restaurant when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me? You’re running out of espionage in the salad bar.”

Me: “….excuse me? Espionage?”

Customer: “Yes, espionage.”

(He meant spinach, since I hadn’t gotten around to restocking that.)

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Be Ver-wee Ver-wee Qwiet – I’m Hunting Wii-bits

, , , | Right | February 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Game Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What kind of game do you specialize in?”

Me: “Er… what do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “I mean, do you specialize in deer, or what?”

Me: “Um, sir, we sell video games.”

Customer: “Oh, um, well, then… goodbye.” *click*

This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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They’re Starting To Catch On

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2009

Customer: “I thought I should let you guys know your phone isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay. Are you sure you’ve been dialing the correct number?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve been trying 0800-2100 all week, and it never goes through.”

Me: “…0800-2100? That’s not our number – our number is [Number]. If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get 0800-2100 from?”

Customer: “Right there, on your door.” *points*

Me: “Sir, that’s not a phone number… Those are our business hours.”

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