(It is sophomore year, in honors US history. We have a student teacher who, while a good teacher, sometimes misses the details. A classmate and I share the same first name. Our teacher is handing back an assignment, late in the semester. For the sake of this story we will call ourselves Sally.)

Teacher: *hands me other Sally’s worksheet, graded*

Me: *to other Sally* “Oh, this is yours, Sally.”

Teacher: “But you’re Sally.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m Sally [My Last Name]. She’s Sally [Other Last Name].”

Teacher: “But there’s only one of you. Wait. We have TWO Sallys in this class?!”

Other Sally: “Yes. I’m Sally [Other Last Name]. She’s Sally [My Last Name]. You had no idea there’s two of us?!”

Teacher: “Wow. No, I guess I never noticed…”

Us: “How have you been grading our work?!”

(The teacher walks away, changing the subject. Fast forward a week later. I’m called down to the dean’s office for ‘ditching class,’ which I had never done.)

Dean: “So, you missed US history two weeks ago. Care to explain why?”

Me: “Oh, Sally [Other Last Name] was absent that week. Our student teacher just realized there are two of us. She probably marked the wrong one down as absent.”

Dean: *prolonged silence* “She… what? She didn’t realize there were two of you?”

Me: “Seriously. Check Sally [Other Last Name]’s attendance. I bet she was marked absent all day except US history, the same hour as me.”

Dean: *slowly looks up her attendance sheet* “I… Well… You’re right. I’ll have to talk to her. I guess that’s all I had.”

(It is the last day of the year. My English teacher is shouting out advice for the summer while everyone is leaving the class at the end of the day.)

Teacher: “Wear sun cream when you leave the house and remember to stay hydrated. Eat fruits like oranges and melons. Drink a lot. Go for juices and water… and… um…”

Me: *whispers while walking past* “Whisky, gin…”

Teacher: “Whisky, gin!”

(Pause.)

Teacher: “No! Wait! Don’t do that!”

(My boyfriend has just stepped out of the shower.)

Me: “Mmm, you smell good! It turns me on.”

Boyfriend: “I can’t win with you! I either stink or I smell so good that I turn you on!”

Me: “Um… that’s winning, honey.”

(I have just got back from dinner. My mum and sister have left the house, so I’m home alone. I text my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey, baby, want to FaceTime?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, sorry, honey. I’m at [Friend]’s.”

Me: “D*** it! I’m home alone for the next two hours.”

Boyfriend: “That timing is so crap. I literally just arrived.”

Me: “Man, f*** [Friend].”

Boyfriend: “I don’t really want to, thanks.”

(I’ve just recently become engaged.)

Boss: “Gee, suddenly you’re the happiest girl in the world.”

Me: “I was always the happiest girl in the world. Now I’ve just got the diamond to prove it.”