(I write for my campus newspaper. We have our own building, but it isn’t in the best condition. One day, a construction worker working next door comes in to use our bathroom. Our editor is there doing some work as well.)

Construction Worker: “You know those lights are broken, right?”

Editor: “What lights?”

Construction Worker: “Those lights.” *points to the ceiling*

Editor: “We have lights up there?”

Construction Worker: “How long have they been out?”

Editor: “I’ve been here for over three years now and I didn’t even know they were there. That’s how long they’ve been out.”

(The lights eventually got fixed.)

(My biology professor is discussing a test we had last week.)

Professor: “A lot of you wrote that bacteria are found only in dead organisms. Since I’m 100 percent sure that you and I have some bacterial activity going on in our bodies right now, I guess this means that zombie apocalypse has already happened.”

Boyfriend: “You’ve got to admit, if I had a Portal gun, that would be one of the things I’d use it for.”

(Said my boyfriend, about licking his elbow.)

(My fiancée and I are very avid collectors of plush toys, mostly those from video games. Right now, I have two plushies hanging from my window by suction cups. They are two female characters from the same game that I happen to romantically ‘ship,’ which is when you take two characters from fiction and put them together in a relationship. After having a romantic moment with my fiancée, I get up out of bed.)

Me: “I just need to go to the bathroom. Hold on.”

(I go into the bathroom and I hear my fiancée open the curtains. When I come back in, she’s standing in front of the window.)

Fiancée: *chuckles* “Whilst you were out, [Character #1] fell off the window.”

(This surprises me a little as it’s normally [Character #2] who’s falling off of the window.)

Me: “[Character #2] kept falling off last time… Maybe they’re pushing each other off and [Character #2] finally got her own back.”

Fiancée: “… or they were just interested by what we were just doing and are trying to get onto the bed.”

Me: *starts laughing* “Wait. What?”

Fiancée: “Oh come on. If you ship these two then I’m going to provoke the shipping, too!”

Me: “You continue to remind me every day why I’m marrying you and I love it.”

(My boyfriend and I have been having serious conversations all night about the progress of our relationship. We’ve been re-hashing the same problem for hours.)

Boyfriend: “I know this is frustrating for you but, I’m trying. I’ll try.”

Me: “Well, do better than try. BE A JEDI.”

Boyfriend: “… Did you really just—”

Me: “It’s already out there. I can’t take it back. But, seriously… Do or do not. There is no try!”

Boyfriend: “This is going to work out just fine.”