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Full-On Fraud Fail

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2011

Customer: “I need to cash my paycheck, please.”

Me: “Okay, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Sir, this check hasn’t been signed.”

Customer: “What? Oh, I see. Hang on a second.”

(The customer signs the check in front of me with great flourish and hands it back.)

Me: “You know I can’t cash this for you, right?”

Customer: “Why not?  It’s signed!”

Me: “Sir, this is a check from [Employer]. We cash about half of their payroll checks every pay period. One, it’s not their payday. Two, this isn’t their logo. Three, this isn’t their bank. Four, you just forged a signature in front of me, on camera.”

Customer: “It’s a good check!”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the officer standing in line behind you would love to hear all about it. Did I also mention that we cash payroll checks from The City, too?”


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Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

, , , | Right | February 7, 2011

It is 2011:

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company Name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”

Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”

Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”

Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”

Half A Brain And A Pound Foolish

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2011

Me: “Would you like to try our new Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger?”

Customer: “Nope. I want a… I’m not sure what it is called. But it has BBQ sauce, bacon, cheese and all that.”

Me: “Okay, that is our Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger.”

Customer: “Yeah, sure.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to add fries and a drink for a combo?”

Customer: “Nope, no combo.”

Me: “Okay, would you like the quarter, third, or half-pound for that?”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “The size of the meat patty; you can get either the quarter, third, or half-pound.”

Customer: “I’m not stupid; I can read a sign. Is the half-pound the biggest?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “So, the quarter-third is next size down?”

Me: “No, sir. Those are two different sizes. The third is smaller than the half, but larger than the quarter. The quarter is smallest of all.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I will have the quarter-third.”

(I contemplate for a moment, then ring him up for a third-pound.)

Me: “Okay, is that going to complete your order today?”

Customer: “What about some fries and a coke?”


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Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2011

(I am working in the clothing section of a department store when I overhear this conversation. I work with a very nice woman who moved to America from India about ten years ago.)

Mother: “Did you find everything you needed, hon?”

Child: “Yep! A really nice Indian lady helped me.”

Mother: “No, no! We don’t say Indian. We say ‘Native American.'”

Child: “No, mom, not that kind of Indian. One from India!”

Mother: “Don’t be silly, hon. We took their country from them, not gave them one.”


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Hopefully, The Idea Will Stick

, , , | Right | February 6, 2011

(A customer holds an open envelope with a prepaid label on it.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to ship it or anything.”

Me: “Well, basically, you’re gonna want to seal it up and give it to me.”

Customer: “How do I seal it up?”

Me: “You peel off this strip here”.

(I point to the peel-off backing of the adhesive strip.)

Customer: “But how do I peel it off?”

Me: “With your fingers?”