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A Real Life Game Of Telephone

, , , , | Right | July 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [Power Company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “What kind of survey?”

Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “Conducting a survey–”

Guy: *to his wife* “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

Guy: *to his wife* “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

Guy: “Oh, okay. Well, I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

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I Find Your Lack Of T-shirts Disturbing

, , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2009

(I’m selling t-shirts at Comic-Con in San Diego. Two men are dressed as Star Wars characters come to my booth.)

Jedi #1: “Man, these shirts are all great. I don’t know how I’ll pick.”

Coworker: “Well, they are two for $35, so you can get any two you like.”

Jedi #2: “Is there any deal for three?”

Coworker: “Nope, just by twos.”

(Suddenly, the second Jedi activates his light-up lightsaber and speaks in an angry, menacing tone.)

Jedi #2: “How about now?!”


This story is part of our Star Wars roundup!

Read the next Star Wars roundup story!

Read the Star Wars Roundup!

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Even Poltergeists Worry About Identity Theft

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2009

(A lady came and returned a paper shredder to the store because the one she had was running its motor at odd intervals when no one was in the room. I exchanged her shredder for a new one and offered to carry it out to her car for her.)

Customer: “You know, if I hadn’t moved recently, I wouldn’t have thought twice about my old shredder acting up.”

Me: “Really? Why is that?”

Customer: “Well, my old house was haunted!”

Me: “Really…”

Customer: “Really. My old house was haunted by the ghosts of my ex-husband and his crazy, dead aunt. You know, most people would think I’m crazy, but you seem really receptive to this!”

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A Sweet Tooth… And Sweet Legs, Sweet Arms…

, , , , , | Right | July 28, 2009

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this cookie jar.”

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.” *hands receipts over*

Me: “So, why are you returning this?”

Customer: “Oh, my husband didn’t fit into it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, my husband recently passed away. He loved cookies, so I figured that I would get him something like this for an urn, but when I tried to put him in there, he didn’t fit.”

Me: “Ah.”

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Security Insecurity

, , , | Right | July 28, 2009

Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”

Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”

Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”

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