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By Doing Nothing, The Problem Has Resolved Itself

, | Right | May 5, 2008

(I’m part of a small animation company. One project, in particular, is assigned to me alone, forcing me to deal with two customers. This is a specification nightmare waiting to happen, but I still accept it. This happens at a meeting relatively far along, with work close to being finished.)

Me: “So, that’s the current state. I still have to add in details, but that’s not an issue within the deadline.”

Customer #1: “Looks great to me already. Looking forward to the final product… Just one gripe.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer #1: “The animation runs too slowly.”

(I’m confused, as I made it pretty fast already. [Customer #2] pipes up.)

Customer #2: “What? No! It is way too fast!”

(I try to interrupt the beginning squabble, but am not successful. The two customers squabble for a full fifteen minutes whether it is too slow or too fast.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1 & #2: *still squabbling*

Me: “Excuse me! I’ve got another meeting in fifteen, so may I make a suggestion?”

Customer 1 & 2: *simultaneously* “Yes?”

Me: “How about we compromise and leave the speed as it is?”

(The looks the two of them exchanged were golden, as if that thought had never crossed their mind. It’s one of those rare cases I got it my way…)


This story is part of the Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup!

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And On The 40th Day, The Customers Complained

, , , | Right | May 5, 2008

(It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.)

Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.”

Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?”

Me: “Hold on a sec…”

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya… I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park… Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!”

(The woman storms off to another cast member and demands to see my manager. I got fired, but it was TOTALLY worth it!)

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Touché

, , | Right | May 5, 2008

(Our bar has been reserved for a private party. Signs are up all over the place, on fluorescent pink paper, including on the front door, right at eye level. A customer approaches the bar.)

Me: “Hi… I’m sorry, but the bar’s closed to the public tonight as there’s a private function taking place.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t see the sign on the door!”

Me: “So… how do you know it’s there?”

Customer: “…”

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If Exes Ruled The World

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2008

Customer: “I want to cancel my ex-husband’s policy.”

Me: “Are you on the policy with him?”

Customer: “No, but his new girlfriend is. That’s why I’d like it canceled.”

Me: “You can’t cancel a policy that isn’t yours.”

Customer: “Why not?! It used to be my policy!”

Me: “Well, because you no longer have authorization to make such a change.”

Customer: “Well, he didn’t have authorization to bring that b**** into my house, but he did it anyway. I’m pretty sure you can cancel his policy.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure you need to see a therapist. Thanks for calling.”

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Totally Loopy, Thru-And-Thru

, , , | Right | May 4, 2008

(My store has a drive-thru menu board before the actual board where customers order. It only has pictures on it, no electronics of any sort.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I already gave my order to the first guy and he told me to pull up to the second board.”

Me: “That’s not possible, ma’am. There’s no one who could take your order at that first board. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “I already told you I gave my order to the first guy. He knows it. Ask him.”

Me: “Could you repeat it for me?”

Customer: “NO! I’m driving up now.”

(The customer drives up and I finally get her to repeat her order, which turns out to be a lot of food. I ask her to pull to the front door, which is literally twenty feet from the drive-thru window. Instead, she drives out of the drive-thru lane, drives around the entire store, and comes back in the drive-thru lane. She pulls up and looks at me again.)

Customer: “I told the guy at the first board that I was parked and he told me to pull right up. I hope you are nice because the last girl was really rude to me.”

Me: “…”


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