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The Law Of The South Paw

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2009

(I am scanning in the next customer’s items when this occurs.)

Customer: “You’re doing it wrong.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You’re scanning my things in wrong.”

Me: “No, it’s done correctly. Every time the item is scanned it says beep.”

Customer: “But you’re left-handed.”

Me: “Yes, I am. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I’m right-handed. I don’t want my things scanned in by a lefty! Undo it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t un-scan all your items, and re-scan them with my right hand.”

Customer: “God, are you a cripple or something?”

Me: “No, but there are other customers waiting.”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll pay with a check.”

(She gets out her checkbook and starts writing with her left hand. Another customer in line speaks up.)

Other Customer: “Didn’t she say she was right-handed?”

(The woman looks up, and then at her left hand.)

Customer: “Are you stupid? This is right!”

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When ‘Geography For Dummies’ Is A Step Up

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2009

(A customer called to check on the status of a mail order she mailed a week prior. I mentioned that mail orders are sent to Albany, NY.)

Customer: “Where are you?”

Me: “I am in Bangor, Maine.”

Customer: “Oh. Is that in New York?”

Me: “No. It’s… Bangor, Maine.” pause “Bangor is a city in the state of Maine.”

Customer: “Really? Where is Maine?”

Me: “It’s northeast of New York. It is the most northeastern state in the country. It borders New Hampshire to the east.”

Customer: “It borders what?”

Me: “New Hampshire.” *long pause* “New Hampshire is also a state.”

Customer: “…huh. Never heard of it.”

This story is part of our Geography roundup.

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The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2009

Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

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Tasteless And Pointless

, , | Right | July 21, 2009

(I’m giving out free samples of apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

Me: “Hello, madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please!”

(The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

This story is part of the Free-Sample Station roundup!

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Read the Free-Sample Station roundup!

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Happy PTLBOTT Day!

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2009

(I work at a restaurant outside a national park. Our busiest season is the fall, when the leaves change.)

Me: “[Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, are you outside?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m in an office. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Caller: “Well, do you know when the leaves change out there?”

Me: “Yes, they’re changing now. They’re very beautiful.”

Caller: “What?! We missed it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, the leaves aren’t done changing.”

Caller: “Well, we live in New York and won’t be able to make it there today. What day do they change back?”

Me: “Um… they don’t change back. They fall, like the season.”

Caller: “Well, when do you put them back on the tree?”

Me: *gives up* “Er… ‘Put The Leaves Back On The Trees’ Day?”

Caller: “Oh, thank you!”

This story is part of the National Parks-themed roundup!

Read the next National Parks-themed roundup story!

Read the National Parks-themed roundup!

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