(It is my first shift working night shift, and not having adjusted yet I am quite tired. I am lying down in the break room when my coworker calls me up front to deal with a customer.)

Me: “Hey.”

Customer: “Hey, how are you?”

Me: “TERRIBLE! I am EXHAUSTED and I was LYING DOWN and then I was forced to get up to wait on YOU, you B******!” *slams fist down on the counter*

(At this, I see my coworker’s eyes bug out, and he turns around hoping to avoid the inevitable customer outburst.)

Me: “Oh, [Coworker], this is my dad!”

Coworker: “OH, THANK GOD! I was just thinking ‘aw, man. [My Name]’s gonna get fired!'”

(We have a huge wedding party, over 100 guests. They are making noise in the hallways, breaking things in the lobby, and in their rooms. Despite repeated attempts to quiet them down, they refuse to stop. Our security can’t even handle them. I call my manager.)

Me: “[Manager], what should I do? I’ve had multiple complaints from these people. I’ve talked to the groom and every time he says he’ll quiet down, but he always starts them up again.”

Manager: “Okay, call the police. We can’t have this.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I hang up and call the police, and explain the situation. They send two officers to speak with the groom. After a while, they come back down to speak with me.)

Officer: “So… do you want to kick the groom out?”

Me: “Yes! I’ve told him so many times to stop. He doesn’t listen and keeps partying and disturbing others. Plus, the groom has over 20 people in his room, which is against the fire code. Please escort him off.”

Officer: “No can do. He’s a private in the military.”

Me: “What?!”

Officer: “We don’t touch military people. But it’s okay. We’ve spoken to him and he promises to keep his guests in check. Call us if he doesn’t…”

(They left and I stood there, dumbfounded. The groom and his guests continued to raise h*** all night long, and I called my manager and explained what the officers said. My manager was just as shocked as I. The next day, my manager took the groom’s name and reported him to his commanding officer. We eventually discovered that the groom was demoted and kicked out of the military for his behavior!)

(I work for a company that recently laid off a large number of people from our creative department. We often have insane demands put upon us.)

Boss: “Why hasn’t this original illustration been finished yet?”

Me: “Well there are only two of us covering all of our clients’ projects right now. Things are going to take longer than usual.”

Boss: “Just send it to an outsourced artist.”

Me: “Actually, we owe all of the illustrators on our roster quite a bit of money at the moment. They won’t work with us on a new design until we pay them.”

Boss: “Well that’s not going to happen any time soon! Just find someone we’ve never worked with before to do it.”

Me: “And just increase the names of people we’re in debt to?”

Boss: “Yep!”

Me: “But—”

Boss: “You’re doing a great job. Talk to you later!”

(This is pretty much how we do business with everyone. No wonder they had to lay so many people off!)

(I have just gotten a job as a carer for a little girl with cerebral palsy. I work wherever she is, including her home, which means I often work with her parents. Her parents are separated, and so far I’ve only worked at her father’s place, but now I have my first shift with her mother. I find out that she’s a priest, and instantly panic. I’m in a same-sex relationship and I’m afraid she’ll be prejudiced against me, so I make up plans to avoid any questions on the subject.)

Girl’s Mother: “Oh, that’s right, [Girl]. You’re meeting your godmothers next week!”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice! … Wait, godmothers?”

Girl’s Mother: “Well, yes. [Name] and her wife are old friends of the family, so it was only natural that they should be my daughter’s godmothers.” *she gives me a suspicious look* “I hope you don’t have a problem with that?”

(I burst out laughing and told her about my partner and how I’d planned to lie to her to avoid trouble. Turned out that I was the prejudiced one!)

(I am in at the customer service desk behind a lady who is attempting to make a return.)

Customer: “This is false advertising! You’re f****** lying to your customers!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “THIS!” *slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter* “The label says it’s ‘German Chocolate Cake!’ I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it’s not from Germany at all!”

(The clerk and I both get the same look of utter disbelief.)

Clerk: “Erm, yes, ma’am. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.”

Customer: “Well, how the h*** are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!”

Clerk: “Do you have your receipt? We normally don’t return food if it’s half-eaten but I’ll see what can be done for you.”

(The woman shoves her receipt in the clerk’s face and grumbles as the clerk goes off to check with her manager.)

Customer: “Honestly, can you believe the type of people they employ here?”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s quite impressive, isn’t it? I doubt I’d have been that patient if it were me behind the counter.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Well, she’s happily making the effort to circumvent policy for something that is not at all her fault. If that had been me you were yelling at, you’d probably be wearing that cake right now, and have been kicked out of the store for being such a clueless, abusive idiot.”

(The customer opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn’t think of anything. When the clerk came back, saying she could give the woman a full refund, the customer quietly accepted it and quickly took her leave.)