(I’m a cashier at a place that sells small items of furniture, storage containers, and so on. We are having a 10% off sale. My last customer caused a huge amount of trouble due to getting angry and shouting over not understanding the difference between 10% and $10, so I’m feeling frazzled. A mother and her child, probably seven or eight, come up to my register and start unloading their items while they talk.)

Mother: *to the kid* “Now, this container was $19.95, but we bought two, so how much is that?”

Kid: “$39.90!”

Mother: “Well done! But remember, there’s 10% off today. What’s 10% of $39.90?”

Kid: “$3.99, so the real price would be… umm, $35.91?”

Mother: “That’s right! Nicely done! But now here comes the hard one, so look out! I have my membership card!”

(The child’s eyes widen. Membership cards give a further 25% discount.)

Kid: “Okay, okay, umm…”

Mother: “You can do it!”

(By this time, I’ve scanned the items and bagged them. Just as I’m about to say the total, the child beats me to it.)

Kid: “$26.93!”

Mother: “Fantastic job! I think we get to stop at the playground on the way home!”

Kid: “Yes!” *jumps up and down gleefully*

(After my last customer, a fully grown man who couldn’t understand what a percentage was, I’m literally dumbfounded. In the end, I call my manager and we give the mother a further employee discount, which her child also worked out.)

(I work for an office supply company and we have a points system for customers, like a lot of places do. You reach so many points, you get a couple bucks off your next purchase.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] points. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’ll give you my points number” *reads it off*

Me: “Okay, thank you. I have the name coming up as [Caller]?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “Every time I book a room with you people I always get a bad price! My coworkers always get a discount!”

Me: “Excuse me, what? D-did you need to place an order? Do you have a question about your loyalty points?”

Caller: “NO! What is the best price you can give me for a room! My coworkers always get a good price! I’m going away in a few weeks. I need a good price! You people rip me off!”

Me: “Are you referring to a hotel room? This isn’t a hotel chain, ma’am, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Aren’t you listening? No! I need a room! What is the best price you can give me?”

Me: “Ma’am… you are calling [Company]. You just told me your points number for this company. We are not a hotel. We sell office supplies.”

Caller: “No, this is the [Hotel Chain]!”

Me: “No… it isn’t.”

Caller: “It isn’t?”

Me: “No…”

Caller: “Oh…” *click*

(My housemate and her friend are eating their food outside a fast-food restaurant and talking about their futures. My housemate and her friend are both 20. There is a bus stop a few steps away from them.)

Housemate: “I really do worry about post uni life, you know. It’s going to be hard to get a job in this climate.”

Friend: “There’s also the fact that we probably won’t be able to afford a house anytime soon.”

(A bus driver who’s on his break comes over to them.)

Bus Driver: “It’s so good that kids your age are thinking about the future! Good on you! Here, get yourself something nice!”

(He gave them a five pound note and then walked back to the bus stop. Not the biggest amount, but they said they managed to get a decent magazine with it!)

(My husband and I live in a large house with another couple. They are nice, but when they have sex they are VERY loud, and they have sex at least a couple of times a night. My husband and I are in the living room.)

Me: “They’re at it AGAIN! They’re like rabbits!”

Husband: *not paying attention because he’s playing his Xbox* “Lenny Kravitz? What?”

Me: “No. Like rabbits. They’re going at it like rabbits? How did you get Lenny Kravitz!”

(Suddenly our housemate screams very loudly.)

Me: “From now on, we’re going to call it Lenny Kravitzing. As in, ‘well, the housemates are Lenny Kravitzing again!”

Husband: “Gross.”

(We still call it Lenny Kravitzing!)

(My younger sister and I are playing the newest release of a popular fighting game franchise. Our older brother and his friend walk into the living room just as I use my character’s finishing move on my sister’s character. She hands off the controller to my brother, who I also easily beat despite the fact I agree to not use my favorite character.)

Brother: “I should have known.” *hands off the controller to his friend* “You want to try? You stand a chance as long as she doesn’t use [My Favorite Character]. If she uses that guy, you’re totally f*****. You don’t want her to use the weapons against you, either.”

Friend: “Pfft, yeah, right! I’ve got this game at home and I know I’m not gonna have any trouble beating her! She can play as whoever she wants and she can use whatever fighting style, including weapons.”

Sister: “Um, that’s not a good idea.”

Brother: “[Friend], at least tell her that she can’t use the weapons or you’re not gonna survive!”

Friend: “Whatever, man! I’m good at this. I’m not gonna get beat by a girl.”

(I smirk as I select my favorite character then twist so that I’m laying upside down on the couch. I don’t bother pushing any buttons as my brother’s friend proceeds to mercilessly assault my character.)

Friend: “Dude, why aren’t you fighting back?”

(As soon as my health gauge gets so low that my remaining HP is barely visible, I start in on his character and easily beat him.)

Friend: “You caught me off guard! The next round is mine!”

(He goes in for an attack but I evade and perform a chain combo: I use the first fighting style then second followed by the weapon with a finishing blow from the first style. As he stares in slack-jawed silence, I perform my character’s finishing attack.)

Brother: *shakes his head* “Dude, I told you.”

Me: “Yep.” *tosses the controller to my brother* “You guys can play for a while. I’m bored.”

Friend: “How did you get so good?! You’re a girl!”

Brother: *laughs* “She’s been gaming since she was, like, two and has been playing this game franchise for nearly as long as it’s been out!”

Friend: “But she’s a girl!”

Sister: “As you already pointed out.” *rolls eyes* “C’mon, [Brother], let’s play.”

(That was over ten years ago and my brother still doesn’t let him live it down.)