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Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

, , | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello, [company name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [company president’s first name].”

Me: “May I ask who is calling?”

Caller: “This is Joe. He is expecting my call.”

Me: “… and you are with?”

Caller: “Just put me through, he knows me and is expecting me to call.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but my instructions are to find out who is calling and what company they are with before transferring the call.”

Caller: “Look, I am his brother and you better put me through right now!”

Me: “Oh really? Well, I am his sister and I know for a fact that we don’t have a brother.”

Caller: *click*

(Salesmen will say anything to get through. And yes, I am the CEO’s sister.)

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Bang Head Here

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

(I have decided at this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

Me: “Right-click.”

Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

Me: *thud thud thud*

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Guess.”

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Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen-dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

Customer: “HEY!”

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

(The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

Customer: “…Lard?”

Me: “Um… um!”

Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

(He bent down and picked up a jar of lard from the counter in front of me and walked away, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)


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Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

Customer: “Why are they different?”

Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

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