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Paging Miss Cleo

, , | Right | February 9, 2008

Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

Me: “Which guy?”

Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”


This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

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A Nasty Case Of Selective Illiteracyosis

, , , | Right | February 9, 2008

(We have a “buy two, get one free” sale right after Christmas. The sign clearly says “lowest item free.”)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy these…” *shows me two $2.99 games for the Gamecube* “…and get this one free.” *shows me a used copy of Halo 3 for $54.99*

Me: “I’d like a million dollars.”

Customer: “I’m serious!”

Me: “So am I, sir. I’m sorry, that’s not how the ‘buy two, get one free’ works. You’d get one of the $2.99 games free.”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT THE SIGN SAYS! IT SAYS ‘BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE’!”

(I take the sign off wall and read it to customer.)

Me: “‘Buy two games, get one free’ on all used games. Please note that the lowest priced item will be free.”

Customer: “That’s not what the sign says! I’m going to sue you for false advertising!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe you can sue me because you can’t read.”

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She Uses The Google, Part 2

, , | Right | February 9, 2008

(Over the phone…)

Lady: “Is there a way to see your menu before coming in?”

Me: “Yes, you can google the name of the restaurant and the first link should take you to a menu.”

Lady: “What’s… ‘google’ mean?”

Me: “It’s a search engine on the internet. It’s at google.com.”

Lady: “Just a sec…” *faintly* “Google… dot… com…”

Pause.

Lady: “It’s not working.”

Me: “Did you spell our name correctly?”

Lady: “I can’t even get to this ‘google’ page! Wait… how do you spell ‘dot’?”

Related:
She Uses The Google

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If Only It Grew On Trees, Part 2

, , | Right | February 8, 2008

(I work in a local government call centre and take calls from the residents about all kinds of things–including education.)

Customer: “Hi, I got your booklet about the school meals and it said I can get a grant for clothing.”

Me: “That would be the school uniform grant. Could I take yours and your child’s details? I can send you an application form.”

Customer: “I don’t have kids, can’t I have the money for myself? I’m on income support.”

Me: “The grant is for the school uniform, sir, and it is only available for children.”

Customer: “So I can’t have the money for myself?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Customer: “For f***’s sake!” *hangs up*

(I wasn’t sure if he wanted the money for normal clothes, or wanted to buy himself an actual school uniform.)

Related
If Only It Grew On Trees

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That Darned Cat

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2008

(I work as a computer tech and do in-house calls. I get a call one day and go to the customer’s house to assist with her computer not coming on.)

Customer: “Thank God you’re here!”

Me: “What’s wrong with the computer?”

Customer: “It won’t turn on at all, not even the monitor.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I begin to look at it, and it won’t come on at all, the tower or the monitor, so I check the easy things first. I find her power strip unplugged from the wall and plugged into itself.  I plug it into the wall and the computer magically comes on.)

Me: “Okay, your problem was that your power strip was plugged into itself, and therefore did not have any power to the computer.”

Customer: “How do you think that happened?”

Me: “Well, I’m sure your foot got caught up in it and accidentally unplugged it from the wall, and then you saw a plug hanging there later and plugged it into the power strip.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think that happened.”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure as to what really happened, but that is what I think happened.”

Customer: “I think my cat did it.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I think my cat got back there and got caught up in it and unplugged it.”

Me: “That’s possible…”

Customer: “But how did it get plugged into itself?”

Me: “I’m sure you saw it hanging there and plugged it into the power strip.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the cat did that, too.”

Me: “I don’t think the cat can or did do that.”

Customer: “Yeah, he did… He does all kinds of stuff like that. One day, I came home and he had turned the thermostat up.”

(She was pointing at the thermostat which was on a wall with no way for the cat to get to it… and it was digital, so the cat would have had to push the button several times. When I got back to the office and turned the work order in, all the coworkers laughed because under the problem description it said, “Cat unplugged power strip and plugged it into itself.” Since that day, every time we get a simple call we joke with each other and ask if the customer has a cat.)


This story is part of our crazy pet owner roundup!

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