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Nonsensical Hypotheticals

, , , | Right | February 17, 2008

(The customer has pulled up to the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

(The customer speeds off.)

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

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Born To Nag

, | Right | February 17, 2008

(I was traying up baked goods one Friday night, and around 8 o’clock a middle-aged woman walks up to the counter.)

Woman: “Hello, excuse me?”

Me: “Yes? Do you need help with anything?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like to know if you have baked bread on Sundays?”

Me: “Yes… this is a bakery. We have fresh bread every day.”

Woman: “I know! I was just wondering if it was fresh on Sundays! I don’t want to come in and buy stale bread. I bought a stale loaf one time and it was disgusting!”

Me: “Well, yes, we do. We don’t sell stale bread, ma’am, or we would get in trouble.”

Woman: “Okay, I was just making sure! If there was stale bread I would’ve been angry!”

Me: “Well we actually can’t sell stale bread… it’s a health code issue.”

Woman: “Well, GOOD! I’m glad you’re finally doing your job.”

Me: “…”

(The woman storms off.)

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A Burger, Made Entirely Of Cheese

, | Right | February 16, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Lady: “Yes I’d like a hamburger please…”

Me: “Okay.”

Lady: “…with cheese on.”

Me: “Okay, so you would like a cheeseburger then?”

Lady: “No, I’d like a hamburger with cheese on.”

Me: “Yes, that would, in fact, be a cheeseburger.”

Lady: “But it says on your menu that you do hamburgers.”

Me: “Yes, we do, but you asked for cheese on it, so that is a cheeseburger.”

Lady: *getting angry now* “Look, I just want a hamburger with cheese on!”

Me: *calls over my shoulder* “One hamburger with cheese!”

(Sound of giggling in the back.)

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Low Class, High Class, Still An A**

, , | Right | February 16, 2008

(A customer is sitting in front of a display, reading a book.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

Customer: “I have to sit here because the customers over there are sending me bad energy.”

Coworker: “Uh, okay…”

(Coworker walks over to me.)

Coworker: “Your turn.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

Customer: “I’m not low-class you know!”

(I walk away stunned. After a while, the customer finally gets up and walks toward the cashier.)

Customer: “I have a complaint about two of your staff members. They called me low-class. I’m not low-class–I’m almost forty!”

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How OJ Might Order OJ

, , , | Right | February 16, 2008

I am working at the drive-thru.

Customer: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

Customer: *Yelling* “Why don’t you answer my question!”

Me: “I did… twice…”

Customer: “F*** you! I don’t need to take this!”

Me: “Oooookay then…”

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