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New Year Special: The Ten Highest-Voted Stories Of 2016

| Right | January 4, 2017

2016 has been a year of some ups and many downs, so let’s bid it a deserved farewell with our special annual roundup, highlighting the ten highest-voted stories of the previous year. A happy New Year to all our readers!

 

#10: I Am Number Four

(My best friend and I are working together at a popular Mexican restaurant. It is early-ish in the morning on a Sunday, so we are the only two on shift. She is taking orders on drive-thru and counter, and I am making the food. It’s very slow and we are only getting roughly one or two customers every half hour, so it’s an easy morning. A gentleman walks in the front doors and orders four tacos and a side of potatoes. I am standing right behind the registers and hear his order, so by the time he’s paid for his items, I almost have all his food ready. He is the only customer we have. Here is the exchange I hear between him and and my friend:)

Cashier: “Your order will be ready in just a moment.”

Customer: “What’s my order number?”

Cashier: “You don’t need an order number. You are the only customer.”

Customer: *ignoring her, raising his voice* “How am I supposed to get my order without an order number?”

(I have finished making his food now and I am putting all his items on the tray. I think he’s kidding, but after glancing over my shoulder I see his face is red with anger and confusion.)

Customer: “Well? How hard is it to give me my ORDER NUMBER!”

Cashier: “Okay, your order number is… four”.

Customer: *looking as if he’s just fought a battle* “Okay, then!”

(At that moment I turn around and put the tray on the front counter. He has not even had a chance to turn to go to the drink machine to pour his beverage. My friend/cashier grabs his tray so he can’t grab it.)

Cashier: *with the belligerent customer directly in front of her* “NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR, YOUR ORDER IS READY! NUMBER FOUR!”

(He angrily took his tray and sat in the totally empty dining room. I had to go the back to avoid laughing at the whole scene.)

#9: You’ve Enabled Me

(My friend and I are shopping at a store when an employee comes to ask if we need help. She seems to have a mental disability.)

Employee: “Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “Not right now, but I’ll be sure to let you know if I need anything.”

Employee: *shocked* “Can you wait here for a minute?”

Me: “Sure.”

(She rushes to the back while my friend and I glance at each other, confused. When the employee comes back, she has a woman with her who I assume is her manager.)

Manager: “Is it true that you said you would ask [Employee] for help if you needed anything?”

Me: “Um, yes.”

Manager: “I just want to thank you on behalf of the store and everyone here. The last customer who she tried to help yelled at her because she has a disability. You just made her day!”

(My friend and I were given discounts on our purchases, and any time we return to the store, we always ask for the employee. She smiles every time she sees us.)

 

#8: That’s Stone-Cold Awesome

(I’m ringing up a customer and he’s buying ten toy snakes, each at $1.)

Me: “I’m guessing you have a kid that really likes snakes?”

Customer: “No, my daughter has a school project and wants to make a Medusa wig.”

Me: “That’s the most amazing thing I have ever heard.”

 

#7: Improved Your Pun Ten-fold

(I’m the deputy editor of a paid newspaper and I am answering phones whilst we have a competition where readers have to phone in with their best pun. I receive a call from a customer.)

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m phoning about the competition in your newspaper.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, what do you wish to enquire?”

Caller: “I hate to say but I have a complaint.”

Me: “That’s perfectly all right, sir. What is your complaint?”

Caller: “Well, I entered your current competition and not expecting many other puns to be entered, I entered ten.”

Me: “Yes, what is the problem, sir?”

Caller: “Well I expected one to win but no pun in-ten did.”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: *maniacal laugh* *click*

 

6: Tipped To Be An Interesting Closing

(It is after closing after a LONG day waitressing. I was stiffed on a tip by a large party that I was really nice to, and am in a bad mood. I am helping my friend clear the bar when a woman from the party comes up and starts knocking frantically on the front door. She can’t see me, and I contemplate just not answering for a moment.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re closed for the night.”

Woman: “Oh, thank heaven, it’s you!” *she looked a little manic*

Me: “Um, yes? Did you forget something at your table?”

Woman: “Yes! Your tip! I thought my sister was paying it, but she paid for the drinks, instead of my brother, who I thought was paying for the drinks, but he didn’t pay for anything!”

Me: “Huh?” *long day, and this woman is hyper*

Woman: “HERE!”

(She shoved a wad of cash in my hand and darted out. They ended up tipping about 40% on a three-figure bill. I was really glad I answered the door.)

 

5: Bad Grandma

(Working the Main Entrance Lobby desk, our job is to get the full name of the patient before putting a visitor wristband on the visitor and giving directions to the patient’s room. For security reasons we cannot allow anyone to enter the hospital without them giving the patient’s full name or stating where they are heading if they aren’t visiting a patient.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Visitor: “I am visiting someone who just had a baby.”

Me: “Okay, what is the patient’s name so I can see what room they are in?”

Visitor: “His name is [Name].”

Me: “Okay… there is no patient by that name. You said they were in maternity? And that’s the name of the mother?”

Visitor: “No! Clearly that’s a man’s name. That’s the father of the baby!”

Me: “Oh, I see! Well, I need the name of the patient who is admitted, so that is the mother’s name.”

Visitor: “I don’t know her name. You should be able to look it up under his name!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. We must be given the full name of the person actually admitted to the hospital before giving out any visitors wristbands.”

Visitor: “This is ridiculous! I don’t know the f****** b****’s name. She my son’s wife. I think it’s Brittany or something. Why is my son not listed? It’s his kid, too! Doesn’t he get paternal rights?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t know anything about his rights; however, since this is a hospital the only people we admit are those who need medical care. Unless your son was the one who was in labor and pushed a baby out of his body, I suggest you call your son and ask the name of the woman who just gave birth to your grandchild.”

 

4: A Thief In Wolf’s Clothing

(I’ve just left a pet store with my dog, when I notice that my dog is chewing something. I check and it’s a treat bone from within the store. I take it from him and bring it back in.)

Me: “So… I kind of have to pay for this. My dog took it with him out the store.”

Clerk: “Oh, the huskie? That’s so cute. What’s the guy’s name?”

Me: “…Bandit.”

 

3: Got Yourself Backwards

(I’m the customer in this story. My boyfriend had just given me a very nice necklace the day before for our anniversary. Not wanting to be rude to him, I take the necklace to a well-known jewelry store to be fixed.)

Me: “Hi. I was given this necklace yesterday, but it is backwards from what I am used to. Is there anything you can do to fix it? I like the clasp on the right-hand side and this one is left-handed.”

Clerk: “Backwards?”

Me: “Yes, I like the clasp on the right-hand side because I’m right-handed. This necklace is for left-handed people. Is there anything we can do to fix it?”

(The clerk takes my necklace, silently slides the charm off the chain, flips it over and hands me back my necklace.)

Clerk: “No charge, ma’am. It was a pleasure.”

(Never have I felt so stupid in my whole life.)

 

2: Has Beef With Your Explanation

(I work in a “healthy” grocery store chain. Walking to the front to start my cashier shift, a customer stops me and asks for help. This customer is about 50-55 and female.)

Customer: “Can you please tell me where the lamb chops are?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Since we are right by the meat section I show her where they are.)

Customer: “Oh, excellent. Can you tell me, are these lamb chops pork or beef?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Are these pork lamb chops or beef lamb chops?”

(Before I can respond, I have to think about her question for a moment.)

Me: “Are you asking if they are beef chops or pork chops? Those are lamb chops.”

Customer: *now getting irritated* “No, I KNOW they are lamb chops. Are they beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?!”

Me: “Ma’am, lamb chops come from lamb, pork from pigs, and beef from cows.”

Customer: “Yes! So are these beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?!”

Me: “Ma’am… lamb chops come from little baby sheep, baa baa.” *yes, I make the sounds* “Beef comes from cows, mooo! Pork comes from pigs, oink!

Customer: “No need to be so rude!”

(About 30 minutes later, my manager asks me into his office with a bemused look on his face. He asks about the conversation with the customer, who of course didn’t tell him anything but my last sentence.)

Boss: “So, what happened?”

Me: “Well, I could tell you the conversation in its entirety or I could ask you one question.”

Boss: “Okay, what is the question?”

Me: *deadpan* “Those lamb chops we have in the meat section, are they beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?”

(Pause.)

Boss: “Thank you for not making me talk to her.”

 

1: Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma, Part 2

(It’s my last few days as a shift manager for a national pizza chain, so my filter is off because I know I won’t be fired. One of the order takers calls me to the phone, saying the customer on the line wants to talk to a manager.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I wanted to complain about my pizza! It was terrible!”

(He goes on a rant about how every time he orders from us, the pizza is awful and why can’t we get it right? I break in long enough to get his details and pull up his account and see we’ve given at least a dozen free pizzas after he’s complained.)

Customer: “And I’m never ordering another pizza from you guys ever again!”

Me: “All right, that sounds fine to me. Thank you. Goodbye.” *I start to hang up*

Customer: “Wait, wait! Don’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t think there was anything else I could help you with.”

Customer: *sputtering* “Well, aren’t you even going to offer me a free pizza credit for next time?!”

Me: “And call you a liar? Sir, I would never! You said you weren’t ordering from us ever again, and I believe you. Bye!”

(I hung up. Best interaction I ever had while working there.)

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