A New Babe From The Mouth Of A Babe

, , , , | Learning | August 22, 2017

(I am an assistant in a kindergarten class. A student randomly puts her hand on my stomach.)

Student: “Is there a baby in there?”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Why not?”

Me: “I didn’t call the stork to deliver it yet.”

(However, I inadvertently lied to her. Four weeks later, I was told by my doctor that I was six weeks pregnant. I later laughed about how the student had called my pregnancy at two weeks to my lead teacher who said that she hoped the student didn’t do that to her or she’d head straight for the doctor.)

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  • Adrian Mckeehan

    Kids always seem to have a strange way of knowing things before we do.

    • Phil Peligroso

      Maybe… or maybe humans have the tendency of searching links and patterns in random events and coincidences?

      • Siirenias

        I knew you would say that!

      • Jami

        Doctor #8, is that you?

        • Phil Peligroso

          Actually, I never had a chance to watch Doctor Who. But I found the quote you’re probably referring to:

          “The Doctor: I love humans. Always seeing patterns in things that aren’t there.”

          Maybe it’s not too late to start watching it ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    Everyone knows that people are born with psychic powers. Most of us lose them as we get older, unfortunately.

    • Celoptra

      In the Mary Poppins books we have the ability to talk with animals but as we get older we lose it.

      • Flami

        We set it free? I believe you mean we LOSE it.

        • Robert Carnegie

          Getting older will lose the ability to use also language English. ๐Ÿ™‚

          • Flami

            Not yet for me!

    • Kitty

      ‘ccording to Baby Geniuses, we were super able to talk in a secret language and intelligent as toddlers, but became dumb around the age of 2 or 3.

      • EJ Nauls-Poland

        Don’t remind me of those terrible movies.

    • Patrick Mccurry

      The sad thing is that many people are delusional and actually believe such bizarre nonsense.

  • Noinipo

    An easy answer for “Where do babies come from?” is “The hospital.”

    • Tyler Tenebrae

      Which could be really unfortunate without further explanation. Disastrous, even.

      • Noinipo

        Just saying “The hospital” doesn’t entirely shut down other questions from the kid. I’ve found that it helps the adult only answer the questions that the kid is asking about. The same goes for just answering “mom’s belly.” The kid is free to ask how the baby got inside mom or they’re free to go on with their day.

    • Alvar Lind

      I think saying ask your parent is better, and then enjoy the look of embarrassment on the parents face when they try to think of a way to answer

    • Kitty

      My mom’s answer was, “There’s a place in the momma where there’s the momma water and dad has the dad water. When the dad puts his p***s into the momma’s v****a, the waters mix and that makes a baby.” And I was around the age of 4. A decent, not-lying, but still age-appropriate answer.

  • Tyler Tenebrae

    Someone will certainly say something about religion and children being closer to God, or something about psychic powers and sensing life energies. To me it’s just a deadly mix of the law of large numbers and confirmation bias that has claimed hundreds of thousands of lives in the past.

    • Torbjรถrn Axelsson

      In this case not so deadly, but in general it is deadly yes.

      Also very useful in many situations, or we would not have that tendency.

      • Tyler Tenebrae

        It has kept us… Well, some of us, alive, yes, but it is also less than optimal. Unfortunately, nature tends to settle on “good enough”, especially in regards to such delicate and complex structures as the brain and it’s workings, so that’s not likely to change, unless our very existence depends on it. And even then we’d have to live longer to utilize it properly.

        I’m not trying to appear more intelligent than I am. I’m just rambling in my sleep-deprived state of a bitter insomniac.

    • Kitty

      Eh, if I point at enough women and say “you’re pregnant”, I’m bound to get a hit. Eventually.

  • TSBJ

    The kid is a witch and cast a spell that turned the OP pregnant.

    POLL: How do we deal with her?
    A) Hanging
    B) Burning
    C) Drowning

    • Joana Hill

      We have to find out if she weighs more than a duck first.

      • Robert Cummings

        “It’s a fair cop.”

    • Katrin Schirmer

      question, has she turned anyone into a newt yet?

      • Autumn Darian Sabisch

        Yes, but he got better.

    • Cathrope

      First we need a duck and a scale for if she weighs the same as a duck she’s made out if wood and there for a witch.

    • Ronald M Bisnett

      D) Call Sam & Dean Winchester

  • Zetal47

    Given that they date pregnancy from the first day of your last period, so the first two weeks there may or may not be an actual fertilized egg yet, that’s really impressive for the kid to have picked up on it.

    • Tim Van Acolyen

      Offcourse it’s even more likely that the kid didn’t pick up anyhting and this is just a funny coincidence…

    • Kumajiro

      Came here to say the same thing. Though, I am imagining, given that the two week mark is near optimal fertility time, that OP told that story to their partner and the partner then suggested to make it come trye with a wink.

  • LittleMissCloud

    Well considering my autistic son hated me both times I’ve gotten pregnant I can believe it. He still prefers almost everyone else to me but as this baby is almost here he has settled down some. Hopefully he likes his baby sister out of the womb much more than he likes her in the womb.

  • Sonya

    I like to think that some of us still respond to hormones better than others.

    Could be that she’s one of those people (kids) that can smell hormones better than others? Sure!

    Could she be just playing around like kids do? Of course.

    • Tyler Tenebrae

      Smell? That’s a possibility! It has a strong connection with the parts of our brain responsible for forming new memories. If the kid has encountered multiple pregnant people before, the association could have been formed.

  • Blake Barrett

    In the Xanth series of books, couples literally summon the stork through exactly how you would think.

    • Linda Spitsyna

      Almost forgot about those books! Thanks for reminding, going to read them again now! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • robindaybird

        Don’t bother, the guy’s fixation on nubile 14 year old girls and declaring rape is a natural response for a guy when confronted with beautiful women is all over his books.

        • Linda Spitsyna

          How do you know I am not supporting those views?
          Seriously though, I still enjoyed them despite all the cringe worthy moments

  • Chet Thomas

    As strange as this is going to sound, I have known more than one person who can tell when a woman is pregnant, even when she herself doesn’t know. They all say the same thing: something about the woman’s eyes gives it away. They can’t explain it beyond that, but they have been eerily accurate at knowing way early in the pregnancy.

    • Lil Tiger

      Someone tried to tell me I was pregnant from looking at me and I was a virgin at the time. They thought I was lying and since I never saw them again, I couldn’t point to my stomach after a few months and scream at them “I’M A F-ING VIRGIN, YOU JACKALOPE!”

      If it’s a hormone related thing they’re noticing, they may have some false positives from people who have odd monthly cycles.

      • David Sandiford

        To which they’d reply “Oh, you had an abortion/miscarriage?”, Because they’re NEVER wrong about these things. Of course if you did get pregnant despite being a virgin, the entity responsible would be able to ensure you didn’t miscarry.

        • Lil Tiger

          Abstinence. 99.9% effective ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Patrick Mccurry

    You can’t accidentally lie.

  • AJofTX

    I had something almost exactly the same happen to me.

    My status on February 18th: “No, first grader, I am not about to have a baby. This is my fat. Thank you very much.” Quoting myself from earlier that day in case it’s not obvious)

    On February 23rd, I found out I was pregnant. Later on, we figured out I was about 4 weeks along at that point.

    It’s crazy!