Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 6
My mum and I are at the post office to send out all of her Christmas cards. It’s the last day to send them to ensure they will arrive by Christmas. The customer ahead of us is having a hard time understanding.
Customer: “No! I don’t want this sent first class! Stop trying to rip me off! Second class only!”
Clerk: “But you said you wanted this to arrive before Christmas? It’s too late to send it second class if you want that. It has to be first class to arrive by then.”
Customer: “How lazy are you all? It’s just a small parcel that weighs a few hundred grams? You’re going to ruin someone’s Christmas!”
Clerk: “Last-postage-dates for Christmas have been published for over a month now; you could have posted this yesterday Second class and it would be fine. It’s your own fault you’re going to be late.”
Customer: “It’s because you’re a stupid Indian immigrant girl, isn’t it? Just because you don’t celebrate Christmas doesn’t mean you get to ruin it for everyone else.”
My mum jumps in at this point:
My Mum: “Does your ar*e ever get jealous of the s*** that comes out of your mouth?”
The suddenness and loudness of her savage sentence has left everyone a little shocked. Taking advantage of this silence she continues.
My Mum: “From what I can gather you are the one ruining your own Christmas because you came in too late, and you don’t want to spend an extra 73p! Cough up the extra pennies or drive it there yourself you dried up tea bag!”
The customer just stares at my mum for a moment, calls her an “old b****” – oooh, good one! – and storms out. She walks up to the clerk, being next in line.
Clerk: “Thank you for that. He was beginning to scare me.”
My Mum: “Oh don’t worry about it. I used to work in a post office when I was a wee bairn and you’d get to recognise that sort before they opened their mouths. They look like they couldnae pour the water out a wellie (boot) if the instructions were on the heel and they still disappoint. Anyway, all these letters, first class, dear.”
Related:
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 5
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 4
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 3
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 2
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman
