Never-Fail Conversation Starters

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “Um… I’m 17.”

Customer: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “No, no! You’re 4.6 billion years old! You’re older than me, and you’re older than your parents. Jesus is inside you!”

Me: “Er… can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Oh, can I borrow a pen?”