Needs To Retire That Attitude

(I’ve been applying for jobs for about three months and on Monday receive a very interesting call. I answer in three rings.)

Caller:“That took long enough! Is this [My Name]?”

Me:“Yes?”

Caller:“I’m [Caller] from [Company I have applied to], just touching base on an idea we’ve had here at HR… Now, first of all, due to your being elderly, we can’t in good faith offer you the job… right?”

Me:“Well, I’m—”

Caller:“Exactly, good of you to be understanding! Now, the good thing is you have a lot of experience, and as most elderly need to pass that on to younger people and anyway, they like working voluntarily. We decided to offer you the chance to come in here, three or four days a week and train the young staff. Better than just stepping aside for them, eh?”

Me:“So, I won’t actually be paid for this?”

Caller: “Oh, s***, no! Not worth the cost of paying for all your sick days; you elderly have all those troubles, right? No, it’s entirely a voluntary position.”

Me: *feeling a touch insulted* “I’ll have to talk to [Government Employment Department] about doing that, but I’ll consider it.”

Caller: “Oh, no need to bring in those [homophobic slur]s in that [ethnic slur] bunch! My number’s [Number], call me before Christmas if you feel grateful for the chance!”

(I have yet to call her back. For information, I was born in 1965.)