Needs To Chill Out

(Our company takes calls from all over the world from customers wanting help with household appliance queries.)

Me: “Welcome to the customer care centre. How may I help today?”

(An American customer starts screaming.)

Customer: “STOP WATCHING ME! BIG BROTHER IS INSIDE MY FRIDGE!”

Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

Customer: “There’s this little blinking light and manic beeping coming from inside my fridge! Listen!”

(I hear a clunking noise, and the customer’s voice gets very faint. A few moments pass; the customer puts the phone to her ear again.)

Customer: “Did you hear that? I know someone is spying on me!!”

Me: “What just happened, ma’am?”

Customer: “I put ya’ll in the fridge so you could hear the noise, and see who’s spying on me!”

Me: “Well, apart from being a little chilly I didn’t hear anything. How often does the beeping occur?”

Customer: “When I have the door open! I can see the blinking light and the beeping is driving me nuts!”

Me: “Ma’am? The fridge does this to alert you to the fact that the door has been open for too long. It is so the food is kept fresh. I promise you, there is no one watching you.”

Customer: “Yes! There is someone! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “May I ask how much you purchased your fridge for?”

Customer: “Around $1500. Why?”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t need to worry. There is no one inside your fridge watching you. We only supply the ones with robots inside for the military, and those fridges would set you back $5000! I promise you that if you shut your fridge door firmly when it starts to beep, you won’t have any more trouble.”

(The customer breathes a sigh of relief.)

Customer: “Whew! I thought I was going nuts! Thanks hon!”