Needs A Hotel Gat-Quick! Don’t Be Heath-Slow About It!  

(The following conversation takes place when an American lady calls into the hotel reservations call centre I work for. She is on a ferry from France to the UK and needs a hotel near the airport as she is flying back to the US the next day.)

Me: “I can check availability for you with no problem. Which airport are you flying out from?”

Caller: “London.” 

Me: “Which London airport? There are six airports with ‘London’ in the title.”

Caller: “London Airport.”

Me: “Which London airport? Gatwick, Heathrow, Stansted, Luton, City, or Southend?”

Caller: “Just London Airport!”

Me: “There is no airport that is just called ‘London Airport.’ It is most likely to be Gatwick, but I think Heathrow also flies to the US. Could you have a look at what it says on the ticket?” 

Caller: “Just book me into the closest hotel to London Airport! It’s not hard! I have an early flight and I need to be as close to the airport as possible!”

Me: “There are six airports in and around London, and they are all called ‘London’ something. They are hours apart. If I book you into the wrong airport hotel, you will have to travel by taxi or train for at least an hour to get to any other airport in London. We are open for another two hours if you would like to check which airport you are flying out from.”

Caller: “There is only one airport in London! It’s not that big. Nothing in England is! Book me into the London Airport hotel!”

Me: “There are six London Airports!” 

(This went on for quite a while. All the time she was consulting with three other people in the background, all of whom insisted that they were flying from London Airport. Eventually, she harassed me into making her a reservation, so I chose London Gatwick. I never found out if I had guessed correctly.)