Need To Apply Yourself To Your Application

(Someone turns in a job application to me. I take it into the back and give it a glance over. The first thing I notice is that none of the non-informational questions – i.e., why do you want to work here? etc. – are answered. I look on the back and see no previous job experience. I flip back to the front and note that they are asking for a ridiculous pay per hour for a no experience needed position with no previous job experience and no effort put into their application. I start to wonder if this was a serious attempt at a job search when I notice one final detail – he did not write down his phone number. I laugh out loud and a nearby associate notices.)

Associate: “Hmm?”

Me: “This application… Half of it isn’t filled out, he wants more money than 90% of you guys make, and he didn’t leave his phone number. Even if this application wasn’t instantly rejected, how would we call him back?”

(The associate looks at the application for a moment.)

Associate: “[Name Of High School] is in [Far Away City], but he says he lives in [City In Opposite Direction]. Unless he commutes an hour to and from school every day, he’s lying.”

Me: “What? Why would you even lie about what high school you were going to? It’s high school, who cares.”

Associate: “Yeah. What a dweeb. We should totally hire him!”

Me: “I’ll go hire a psychic to give me his phone number so I can give him a call back!”

(I sticky note the application ‘How to not fill out an application’ and leave it on the desk for other managers to look at. I make sure that our store manager sees it before it gets thrown away. Two days later, the applicant actually calls and I answer the phone. I recognize the name because of the attention I had given to the application. I ask him to hold.)

Me: “Hey, [Store Manager], remember that ridiculously hilarious application I showed you a while ago? The one where he didn’t fill out any of the questions, lied about what school he went to, and didn’t write down his phone number?”

Store Manager: “Yeaaah?”

Me: “Well, he just called asking about his application. What, uh… what do I tell him?”

Store Manager: “Maybe suggestions on how to fill out a job application?”

Me: “If you want to tell him that, then you can talk to him!”