Naturally Selecting The Other Thumb

(My boyfriend and I have just finished our sandwiches. He is playing with one of the toothpicks that have been used to hold our sandwiches together when it breaks and stabs him in the pad of his thumb.)

Me: “Oh, no! Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “Ow. I’m fine.”

(He pulls the piece of toothpick out of his thumb.)

Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s why you’re not supposed to play with your toothpicks.”

Boyfriend: “I have played with hundreds of toothpicks, and this has never happened.”

(I take his thumb and kiss the pad. After I release his hand, he starts to reach for the chips on my plate.)

Me: “You shouldn’t try to pick up those chips with that thumb.”

Boyfriend: “Oh? Because of the pepper?”

Me: “That, and the salt. Those spices will get on your cut, and it’ll really hurt.”

(My boyfriend humors me, and picks up a couple of chips using his index and middle fingers. Then he forgets, and switches to using his thumb.)

Me: “THUMB!”

Boyfriend: “You do realize that this is the evolutionary advantage that allows me to pick up potato chips.”

(I reach across the table and grab his other wrist.)

Me: “That’s why you have two of them! Use the uninjured one!”

Boyfriend: “Oh yeah… I forgot about that.”

(He starts eating the chips using his uninjured hand. Several seconds pass in silence.)

Boyfriend: “Honey, I really had forgotten about that other hand…”