NAR Avengers Versus The Pamphlet Preacher

Years ago, at our bookstore, we had a pack of rather persistent religious folks who frequently tried to use our store to promote themselves. They were very insistent about leaving pamphlets at key points in our store. They would leave a stack of pamphlets at Information, the cafe, and the registers.

The managers, while tolerant of the faiths that came through our store — we’d sell books and Bibles to them all — drew a line in the sand and backed us up. We had a bulletin board where customers could post advertisements near the bathrooms, and the managers were adamant that we would not post ANYTHING that was not [Store]-related anywhere else in the store.

This did not stop the Pamphlet Pack. They would stalk employees who were not busy with other customers and try to sell the Love Of God the way a used car salesman tries to hawk a crappy jalopy that has been sitting on the lot for six years without budging. We all learned to be very busy, no matter how slow the night, and we were even allowed to be firm in our refusals.

Pamphlet Preacher: “I would like to help you spread the Word Of God, and I have these pamphlets here…”

Me: “Please don’t, sir. The managers don’t want these cluttering up our workspace with more papers. As you can see…”

I gesture to the umpteen stacks of company-issued paperwork that cramps my space.

Me: “…we’ve already got enough.”

Pamphlet Preacher: “Well, how about I just leave some, so that other folks can see them for themselves.”

This is spoken as a statement, not asking permission.

Me: “Again, sir, please don’t. The managers won’t let them stay. There is a bulletin board near the bathrooms if you wish to advertise something, but that’s the only place we allow these kinds of things to remain.”

Pamphlet Preacher: “Ma’am, it is my holy duty to share God’s Love.”

Me: “And you are welcome to talk about it, as long as you’re not interfering with our customers or the work the employees have to do. But we will throw away any pamphlets we find.”

Pamphlet Preacher: “You don’t need to do that. Just leave them at the registers until the end of the day.”

He talks like a person in authority telling an employee that, yes indeed, they shall do what he tells them to do.

Me: “No, sir—”

His back is to me and he’s leaving a stack next to every register down the line.

I take a deep breath, let it out, pick up a garbage can, and follow him, throwing every last pile into the garbage.

Pamphlet Preacher: “There! Now everyone can…” *turns and sees me* “What are you doing?!”

I pick up the next pile, look him in the eye, and throw it away right in front of him.

Me: “I told you we don’t want these. Now, you can either take them to someone who might appreciate them, or you can watch all of your pamphlets get thrown away right here and now.”

The Pamphlet Pastor turns an interesting shade and utters a few garbled squawks, among which I hear the word “manager”, so I call one over.

The Pamphlet Preacher starts complaining about how I’m interfering with his mission from God and disrespecting his beliefs. He picks up the pamphlets at the last register and waves them around for emphasis. The manager turns to me.

Manager: “Did you tell him about the bulletin board?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Did you tell him that we don’t allow pamphlets to remain anywhere else?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “And did you tell him that we will make you throw them away if you find them?”

I hold up the garbage can full of pamphlets.

Me: “Yes, and he started placing them anyway. So, I threw them away behind him.”

Manager: “Then you did everything right.”

The Pamphlet Preacher squawks a protest, and the manager turns back toward him.

Manager: “Sir, we cannot allow you to leave your pamphlets all over our store. If we let you do that, then we have to allow every other religious group that walks through our doors to do the same. We are a place of business, and we don’t have the time or the space to allow that many pamphlets to clutter our store. Please take your pamphlets with you, because we will not let them stay. We will throw them away now, or we will throw them away the instant you turn your back to leave.”

Pamphlet Preacher: “Or the third option is you leave them alone until the end of the day.”

Manager: “That is not one of your options.”

The Pamphlet Preacher spluttered, scowled, and then snatched his pamphlets out of the garbage, which I politely held up for him to reach into. He stormed out of the store, leaving us to roll our eyes at each other and go about our business.