My Tuition Is Free, But I’ll Never Be

, | NYC, NY, USA | Learning | March 25, 2013

(The coffee shop is staffed and run by students.)

Student: “Hi, can I have… uh, something with coffee that I can get quickly?”

Barista: “Got an exam coming up?”

Student: “Yeah… real soon.”

Barista: “How about the ‘exam special?’ Extra caffeinated, two bucks if you’ve got a [school] ID.”

Student: “Perfect. Can I bring a few with me? I told my friends I’d get them coffee, too.”

Barista: “Sure, we can seal them up and box them. A lot of students have asked for that.”

Student: “Sure. Can I get 11?”

Barista: “11 exam specials, ASAP!”

(Two other staff members jump into action and start assembling drinks.)

Student: “My debit card won’t go through.”

Barista: “Uh oh. It’s been working fine. Try it again.”

Student: “No luck. Let me see if I have cash.”

(Suddenly, the clock tower nearby chimes the hour.)

Student: *visibly shaken* “Oh, um, is it two o’clock already?”

Barista: “Yeah… when’s your final?”

Student: “2:10. I, uh, I only have ten dollars.” *under her breath* “S***, Doctor [Name] is going to kill me…”

Barista: “Did you say Doctor [Name]?”

Student: “Yeah.”

Barista: “Chemistry?”

Student: “Yeah…”

(The barista shoves the box of coffee into the student’s hands.)

Barista: “Leave your ten dollars and run! Run like your life depends on it!”

Student: “Auugh!”

(The student takes the coffee and flees. Now it’s my turn to order.)

Me: “I take it you’ve had Doctor [Name] as a teacher?”

Barista: “Yeah, for 20 years. He’s my dad.”

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