Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 25

(I’m heading north to spend the weekend with my parents. My boyfriend lives in a town near an Armed Forces base, whereas I live outside of Toronto. Our conversation shifts to zombies.)

Me: “So what happens when the zombie apocalypse occurs? Are you going to save me?”

Boyfriend: “Might be a little difficult given our proximity to each other.”

Me: “Meh. I think you’ll have more of the issue than I will, being near the base. With my luck, I’ll be up north when it strikes so I won’t have to deal with crazy Torontonians trying to head out.”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but what will you do when you’re up there?”

Me: “Pfft. They have an artesian well nearby. Fresh water source!”

Boyfriend: “So, you’ll have the water source, but what about the food? It’s not like you know how to hunt or anything.”

Me: “Um, hello! Pond nearby, and there are farms. Problem solved.”

Boyfriend: “Why not just come to me? I’ll look after us.”

Me: “Riiight, like travelling on the 401 won’t be an issue at all with all of the zombified cars scattered about.”

Boyfriend: “Who said anything about driving? Head down to Lake Ontario and boat across.”

Me: “I don’t own a boat.”

Boyfriend: “You are in a time of war. Anarchy abounds. You would steal the boat.”

Me: “So, I’d somehow manage to get to the lake, then steal a boat. What kind of boat?”

Boyfriend: “Does it matter? Get a boat. Then come to me. I will look after us.”

Me: “I dunno. With you being near the base, I don’t think stealing a boat and getting across is going to be so easy. Besides, won’t the zombies be all around the base?”

Boyfriend: “No, but it’ll be a target because of its weapon cache. Still, it may be the safest place for us.”

Me: “So, I’m to somehow steal a boat, and casually get it across the lake, avoiding the base and all of the personnel with the hovercrafts, airplanes and whatnot? Right. No problem. I’ll be right on that.”

Boyfriend: “It is the only logical answer.”

Me: “We are so pooched should there be a zombie apocalypse.”