Must Be Friends With Aaron Schlossberg

(A regular customer has come into my line. She speaks very limited English, so we do the transaction in Spanish, making small talk as I scan the items in. It’s very late for our store, past ten pm, and I’m the only open register. A burly man comes in line and slowly gets more and more frustrated, I assume because of the wait. It’s worth noting that I’m white, but speak pretty fluent Spanish.)

Me: *to [Customer #1], in Spanish* “Have a nice day, and good luck tomorrow!”

Customer #1: *in Spanish* “Oh, you, too. Sorry you’ll have the angry one.”

([Customer #1] leaves, and [Customer #2] looms over the register, getting in my face.)

Customer #2: “So, you speakin’ monkey language?”

(My jaw drops. I’m new, and still in high school. The guy has several inches on me, and no one is around.)

Me: “I-I’m sorry?”

Customer #2: “I asked if you was speakin’ monkey language.”

Me: *I blink* “Well, I can understand you just fine, sir.”

(The man went about purple in the face as I realized what I had just said. I was certain the man would kill me. With his neck veins literally bulging, he stormed out of the store, leaving his items.)