Music To My Rears

(I am hanging out with a male friend and his girlfriend. This is my first time seeing them since we started college, and I am feeling nostalgic. My friend and his girlfriend are trying to figure out what music to listen to.)

Friend: “I don’t know what to play! You don’t like any of my music!”

Girlfriend: “Hey, I know! Play that song that I told you to play for [My Name]!”

Friend: “Oh, yeah. That.”

Girlfriend: “You know the song I’m talking about, right? It totally sounds like her. Doesn’t it?”

Friend: “I guess so.”

(My friend sounds unenthusiastic, but I am flattered that his girlfriend has been thinking of me. My friend plays the song, and his girlfriend turns the volume way up.)

Song: “She’s a whooty….  a white girl with a booty!”

Me: *speechless*

Girlfriend: “See, doesn’t it sound like [My Name]? I told you, [Friend]; she’s got the junk in the trunk! Come on. You had a crush on her for how many years?”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

(My friend awkwardly avoids looking anyone in the eye while his girlfriend continues to wax poetic about the size of my butt. I guess I should have known better than to expect some sappy friendship song!)