Mulchitudinous

| Working | March 5, 2017

(This is copied directly from my “Customer Care” online chat for your general amusement:)

Me: “Hello, I bought 20 x 2 cubic-foot bags of your ‘12 month color guarantee’ mulch less than two weeks ago, and the color is completely gone after a week of rain. The black is now gray and tan. I’d like a refund or replacement, please. How do I go about that?”

Company Representative: “Sorry to hear that. Our ultimate goal is for you to be completely satisfied with your purchase from [Company]. If you receive an item you are not happy with, you may return it within thirty days of purchase to any [Store] for a refund or exchange within our current policy guidelines.”

Me: “Can I bring a receipt back with a photo of the damage, or something, instead?”

Representative: “Our current policy guidelines state you must bring the item back to the store.”

Me: “I understand, but I cannot bring 40 cubic-foot of mulch back to the store from my lawn… Is there another option?”

Representative: “I would recommend that you call our customer care to request for the return.”

(Calling customer care just confused a human being on the phone instead of via text. I’ll try going back to the store next instead!)

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