Monkeying Around With Windows

(I’m sitting at my desk at work, typing away, minding my own business, when the phone rings. I pick up the call and hear my very favorite line.)

Caller: “Hello, this is Windows Technical Support. I am calling about a problem with your computer.”

Me: *cue troll-face* “No, you’re not.”

Caller: *pauses* “Yes, ma’am. I am calling because your computer has reported a virus.”

Me: “My computer has gained self-awareness and reported its own problem?!”

Caller: *pauses and I can hear the confusion* “This is Windows Technical Support, ma’am.”

Me: *legs crossed, trying not to pee laughing* “No, it’s not. Do people seriously fall for this anymore? You guys have really got to get honest work.”

Caller: *pauses again* “This is not a scam.”

Me: “Yeah. It really is. I’m not stupid. Have you heard of karma? Because you’re getting a lot of the bad kind right now.”

Caller: *mumbles something under his breath I can’t make out* “Are you mad, ma’am? Are you mad?”

Me: *almost explodes into a giggle-fit* “Yes, actually. I’m mad you keep calling my place of employment and interrupting my day.”

(I’m actually not mad at all. This is my favorite thing ever: to mess with scammers.)

Caller: “You are mad! You are a mad monkey!”

Me: *almost chokes* “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “YOU ARE A MAD MONKEY! A MAD MONKEY!” *starts screaming in another language and hangs up*

Me: *dissolves into a five-minute-long laughing fit*

(He honest-to-god called me a mad monkey. I thought I was going to pass out from laughing. That was much more entertaining than the one who called me a stupid b****. God, I hope he or his friends call back soon.)