Mongols And Japanese And Marie, Oh My

(The AP World History teacher is very well-known for his sarcastic sense of humor, tendency to make fun of other students, and odd stories to help us remember course material. Since a couple of my friends in the grade below me may have him next year, I began to tell them some of the more memorable stories he told us.)

Teacher: “So, the Japanese did acquire some American territory: some islands in Alaska. Alaska wasn’t a state yet, so it wasn’t technically part of the United States. The bears were pissed, since they all had to learn Japanese…”

Teacher: “To preserve the meat, the Mongols rode on it on between their butts and the saddle. So it could stay cool and frozen and even tenderize… and when you pull it out after a long day’s ride you could just gnaw… You could cook it but most didn’t. The Mongols would poke a hole in their horse’s neck and drink out of it. You could have both a war machine and a lunchable out on the battlefield!”

Teacher: “Ah… Marie Antoinette. She makes Kim Kardashian look like Albert Einstein. She loved fashion, and was like you when you were in that princess phase when you were four and got your daddies to indulge you in princess dresses and stuff until you turned five. Marie never grew out of it. ”

Teacher: “This is the booklet where you write your essays for the AP exam. I like this one because it has nice handwriting.” *talks about booklet* “Back in 2013, several kids drew pictures in their booklets. [Other AP World Teacher] and I cut them out and put them in a collage in the hallway. We called it ‘What kids who failed their AP exam do.’”