Money Makes The World Go Your Way

(My best friend is sitting opposite me playing a computer game in which you are a civilisation trying to take over the rest of the world.)

Best Friend: “This leader wants me to have a peace treaty with them on the condition that they get one of my cities.”

Me: “Yeah, no. Don’t do it.”

Best Friend: “I didn’t. I fought her with my army whenever hers attacked, and ended up taking one of her cities. Now she’s giving me gold to form a peace treaty. That’s more like it!”

Me: “That’s how [Best Friend] governs!”

Best Friend: “H***, yeah! Killing people ’til they offer me money.”

Me: “Remind me to never let you be in the government.”