Mom Hates It When Birds Leave The Nest

(I am living on my own for the first time, and I’m talking to my mom on the phone while walking back from getting groceries. My mom is being a mom, telling me about how much she worries about me.)

Me: “Mom, I’m fine. I’m really liking school and I’m perfectly sa–”

(Just then, something comes at me and I see it out of the corner of my eye. I scream and duck down, just in time to miss the seagull that’s just dive-bombed me. I would like to point out that I had no idea birds do this when you walk by their nests and I didn’t know there was a nest in the car-lot I was walking past. Not knowing these things, it’s incredibly hard for me to explain this to my mom.)

Mom: “What? WHAT HAPPENED? Are you all right?”

Me: “I’m fine, Mom, but you’re not going to believe this. This–”

(As I’m about to explain this, the seagull turns around, facing me with evil, yellow eyes, and lets out the biggest battle cry it can muster as it prepares to dive again.)

Me: “MOM, I’VE GOT TO GO!”

(I hung up my phone and booked it out of there. Needless to say, I did not help my mom feel more secure.)