Modern Family

| Romantic | August 20, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have a long-standing argument of sorts: he thinks my family is Von Trapp, Brady Bunch perfect. Of course, I entirely disagree with this. I am also an English teacher, so killing his argument through character tropes is a common thing I do.)

Me: “If you were perfect, we wouldn’t be together. For a number of reasons, not the least of which would be that you don’t exist! And isn’t that your usual complaint about my family?”

Boyfriend: “Well, your family is unbelievably perfect. There’s no arguing that.”

Me: “Haha! Oh no, I can DEFINITELY argue against that opinion.”

Boyfriend: “Nope.”

Me: “Not a perfect family. Nowhere near it.”

Boyfriend: “Still TV show status.”

Me: “Uhhh… no, I don’t think so. We don’t fit traditional stereotypes, nor traditional character archetypes.”

Boyfriend: “Three kids: the sciency-smart-overly-confident one, the popular one, the nerdy one. A smart, hardworking science dad and a stay-at-home mom. That sounds like stereotypes to me, dear.”

Me: “A stay at home mom who refuses to have anything to do in the kitchen beyond the occasional foray into the alcohol cabinet. The hardworking science dad who joined the Girl Scouts, and is territorial about his kitchen. The popular daughter who wants nothing to do with anything except her animals because of her version of anxiety. The sciency-smart-overly-confident son who used to threaten to kill everyone because of his own kind of anxiety. And the nerdy daughter who said ‘F*** IT! LET’S GO ALL THE WAY DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE OF ANXIETY AND GET COMFORTABLE!'”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, you’re a family with a twist!”

Me: “…oh dang it. The only place that people with inherent character contradictions like that could ever exist is in fiction. Especially when you throw in all the rest of the demons and baggage. I just proved your point! That was not my intent!”

Boyfriend: “Yep, thanks. I win.”

Me: “No you don’t. See, if you’re dating me, that means you’re on the TV show, too. So which non-archetype are you? Beyond the whole, ‘girls date boys like their fathers’ one.”

Boyfriend: “I’m ‘the boyfriend the family loves’, obviously.”

Me: “Nope, not enough twist! Besides. ‘boyfriend that the family loves’ is a seriously weak archetype. I expected better of you after two years of dating me.”

Boyfriend: “Fine, how about the athletic, attractive yet nerdy guy who comes from a broken dysfunctional family, and feels totally out of place around the happy, lovey-dovey family?”

Me: “Yes, but what’s your twist? I love the archetype. Now give me your twist. And no, beer does not count.”

Boyfriend: “I stick around.”

Me: “Oh, good one; you’re the stable one in the relationship!”

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