Misbehavior Reaches Critical Mass

(My husband and I are sitting a few tables down from a family of six. All of the children are older, the youngest looking about 17, so I didn’t expect any problems until a priest walks in.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey [brothers’ names], look at the priest!”

Mother: “Shush, don’t embarrass yourself.”

Son #1: “S***, does this mean we can’t do s***?”

Teenage daughter: “Oooh, you swore in front of a priest! You’re going to Hell!”

Son #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a wh***.”

(The parents look mortified at their behavior. I am shocked, too, especially at a man in his early twenties calling his younger sister a wh***. After chastising them both, the parents go back to conversing with the older daughter until the other two start up again.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey, [other brother], I dare you to go ask for confession.”

Son #2: “Seriously, you both need to shut up.”

Teenage daughter: *completely ignoring her mother’s warning* “You’re scared of a little priest? What’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?”

(Finally, it appears the priest has had enough, and stands up, approaching the table from the girl’s side.)

Priest: “First off, young lady, I have heard your mother tell you to be quiet several times. The fourth commandment says honor thy mother and thy father. You, my dear, obviously need some work on that. Secondly, if anyone needs confession at this table, it is you. Thirdly, the makeup doesn’t quite cover the hickey on your neck.”

(At this, the second son bursts out laughing, and the father profusely thanks the priest for reigning in his now speechless daughter. They ask the priest to join them and insist on paying for his meal. Besides that, on the way out, I hear the mother tell the daughter she’s grounded until she’s 30.)