Ministry Of Magic Retirement Homes

(I work at an assisted living facility. A resident comes shuffling up to my desk and stands there looking expectantly at me.)

Me: “Good morning, [Resident]. [Coworker] has already taken the papers for delivery.”

Resident: “Well, where is she?”

Me: “She’s probably still on the first floor.”

Resident: “Why didn’t she give me my paper?”

Me: “I guess she didn’t see you. Did you see her?”

Resident: “No. I was just upstairs. Why didn’t she drop the paper at my door?”

Me: “I don’t think she’s been up to the second floor yet.”

Resident: “Well, why don’t you know? You should know where she is!”

Me: “I’m sorry? I don’t have any way of knowing where she’s gone. She’s usually very quick at it, though, so you should have your paper soon.”

Resident: “I don’t understand why the h*** she doesn’t leave the paper at the desk.”

Me: “Because you asked for it to be delivered to your room.”

Resident: “No, I wanted it left here. I told you idiots to leave the d*** thing here.”

Me: *knowing full well he didn’t* “Okay, [Resident]. Would you like it left here instead of delivered, then?”

Resident: “Yes! D***, you’re all idiots! Now, where’s my paper today?”

Me: *vein-pop* “[Coworker] is delivering it.”

Resident: “I just told you to leave it at the desk!”

Me: “That’s… that’s not how that works. She already has it for today.”

Resident: *incoherent yelling as he stomps off*

(I guess I’m supposed to be omniscient, know where my coworkers are at all times, be able to magically apparate his paper back to the desk, and also be psychic to know what everyone wants. Also, this lovely man… if we leave his paper at the desk, that day he wants it delivered. If we deliver it, he wants it left at the desk. And every time, I’m an idiot for not knowing he’s changed his mind yet again.)