Milking Your Birthday For All It’s Worth

, , , , , | Related | May 5, 2020

My birthday falls during a global health crisis. Grocery stores are limiting the number of customers coming in at one time, certain items are selling out quickly, and everyone is encouraged to stay home unless you absolutely need to go out.

I am a young adult living on my own, and my mother likes to help me out any way she can. During this time, she cooks dinners for her and my father, and a couple of times a week she will either drop off a dinner to me on her way home from work or have me drive by and pick it up off the front step — social distance dinners.

We have a phone call on my birthday. Mom and Dad sing the birthday song.

Me: “Thanks!”

Mom: “I’m sad we can’t celebrate your birthday in person!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. Me, too, but it’s okay.”

Mom: “I know it’s okay, but I still want to spend time with you. I birthed you!”

Dad: “Have you gone to the grocery store a lot?”

Me: “No. I have a lot of canned, boxed, and frozen food. I go to the convenience store for milk or cheese.”

Mom: “Well, we’re going to [Club Warehouse] tomorrow, so we could pick stuff up for you, if you want. Milk is way cheaper there.”

Me: “Sure, but I wouldn’t be able to drink a whole gallon before it went bad.”

Mom: “How about this: you can come over and pick up your birthday dinner, and Dad and I will drink some of the milk beforehand.”

Me: *Laughs* “Okay, sure. I know you guys like skim, but is it okay if you get 1%?”

Dad: “Wow, that’s a big ask.”

Mom: “Oh, I don’t know…”

Me: “It’s okay, I was just wondering. I like skim, too.”

Mom: “Oh, my gosh. Of course, we’ll get 1%.”

Dad: “Yeah, ‘Happy birthday; here’s a half-drunk gallon of milk you don’t want.’”

Mom: “And I got you another birthday present, so don’t worry; it’s not just milk.”

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