Might Want To Sit On Your A** For This One

(I’m out on the floor stocking at a farm store when one of our regulars approaches me. I inwardly roll my eyes because she’s always a problem customer. She’s always in a terrible mood and treats employees like crap. Today is no exception.)

Regular: “You f****** people are always f****** moving s*** around! I can’t ever find what I want in here!”

Me: *gritting my teeth and hoping it comes across as a believable smile* “What can I help you find?”

Regular: “Where the f*** is the A** BLACK?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Regular: “You know, the A** BLACK!”

Me: “I’m not familiar with the, ah…”

Regular: “A** BLACK?”

Me: “Yes… that. At the risk of sounding stupid, what is it used for?”

Regular: “Jesus Christ!” *gives me a look like I’m the dumbest thing on two legs, then screaming* “IT’S A STARTER FORMULA!”

Me: “Starter formu… Wait a second. Do you mean Esbilac? For puppies?”

Regular: “Yeah, exactly what I said, the A** BLACK!”

Me: *biting my lip hard to keep from breaking into gales of hysterical laughter* “Ah, sure. It’s right over here!”

(I take her to the aisle and show her the formula. In a true change of habit, she thanks me and is on her way. I go our information desk where a coworker is standing.)

Coworker: “I heard all that yelling; what was her problem this time?”

Me: “She couldn’t find the A** BLACK.”

Coworker: “The WHAT?”