Merry Fluffin’ Christmas

This happened a few years ago. At the time, I’m a twenty-eight-year-old woman living in Germany, a country famous for its punctuality, orderliness… and not exactly for warm fuzzies. For reasons unknown to me, though, people often find me “adorable.” 

It’s not always helpful, especially professionally, but occasionally it comes with unexpected perks. Also worth noting: tipping here isn’t as common or expected as it is in the US; rounding up a bit is normal, but big tips are rare.

My boyfriend at the time and I are strolling through a Christmas market when I spot a cotton candy stall. The prices are listed clearly: the smallest size is €3, the largest €8.

Me: “Ooooh, cotton candy!”

Boyfriend: *Grinning.* “Would you maybe like a cotton candy?”

Me: *Enthusiastically.* “Yes, please!”

The vendor has clearly seen and heard our little exchange, because as we walk up, he’s beaming at me.

Vendor: “Hello there, sweetheart!”

In Germany, calling a grown woman “sweetheart” like this is not typical. At all. It’s something you’d say to a toddler or your significant other, not a random adult customer.

Me: *Playing along.* “Yes, please, mister!”

Vendor: “What size would you like? Like this?” *He holds his hands fairly close together.* “Or this?” *A bit further apart.*

Me: “Hmmm… like this, please!”

I hold my hands apart, signalling a reasonably large size. The vendor laughs and spreads his arms even wider.

Vendor: “You mean like this?”

His arms are now stretched as far apart as possible, like he’s about to give me a massive bear hug.

Me: *Laughing.* “Yes! That, please!”

Vendor: “Say no more.”

He proceeds to make the biggest cotton candy his machine can possibly handle, easily larger than the €8 option.

Vendor: *Handing it over with a flourish.* “Et voilà! That’ll be €3. Merry Christmas!”

My boyfriend, who’s been laughing the whole time, pulls out a €20 note.

Boyfriend: “Keep the change. A very merry Christmas to you, too!”