“Members” Of The Class

(We’re reading Julius Caesar in class, and on one of the pages there’s a line drawing of the Colossus of Rhodes in all its naked glory, complete with a tiny penis. As sophomores, several of the boys simply cannot handle it. Our female, middle-aged teacher tries to ignore them. That fails, so she tries to make it a “teachable moment.”)

Teacher: “Actually, in a lot of Renaissance art, the phallus was drawn purposefully small. They believed that a large penis meant a man had lower intelligence because he was more animalistic. Smaller penises indicated a higher intellect.”

([Boy #1], whose name conveniently starts with P — this becomes important later on — looks at [Boy #2]’s feet.)

Boy #1: “Well, it looks like you’re passing the next quiz.”

Teacher: “[Boy #1]! That is very inappropriate!”

Boy #1: “What?! You’re the one talking about wing-wang-doodles.”

Teacher: “Let’s just continue, shall we?”

(Class resumes, but [Boy #1] keeps muttering under his breath about “wangs.”)

Teacher: *turning to [Boy #1], extremely exasperated* “Penis! Be quiet!”

(The teacher turns fifty shades of red and apologizes profusely.)

Boy #1: “Yeah, it’s okay. I mean, I am kind of a d**k.”