Melon-cholic Realizations

I’m hanging around at my register during a lull in customers, when a couple of my coworkers meander over, apparently having a conversation about the reusable bags we sell at the registers.

Coworker: *While gesturing at a watermelon slice-patterned bag.* “So we’ve got pineapple, we’ve got fruit skewers…”

Me: “…[Coworker], did you just call a watermelon a pineapple?”

Coworker: “…yes. It’s opposite day. This is now what I call a pineapple.”

Me: “Yeeeeah, okay, that can be your excuse.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I don’t know why I called it that. Aside from both being citrus, they’re nothing alike!”

Me: “…I hate to break it to you, but a watermelon isn’t citrus, and neither is a pineapple. ”

Coworker: “Wait, really? Pineapples don’t have like, citric acid?”

Me: “Nope.”

Google confirmed. Coworker’s mind was blown a bit. Later that same conversation:

Coworker: “Cinnamoroll is a dog and not a rabbit?!”

Me: “Your world is built on a pyramid of lies.”