Mayo-Naysayer

It’s the end of the night, and my closing assignment is to put everything back into the coolers. The instruction sheet is simple: “Put the dairy stuff in one cooler, non-dairy in the other.” 

When I’m done, the hosts do their final check and call me over.

Host #1: “Hey, you put the tartar sauce in the wrong cooler.”

Me: “What? But it doesn’t have any dairy in it.”

Host #1: “Yes, it does, it has mayonnaise.” 

Me: “But mayonnaise doesn’t have dairy in it.”

Host #1: “Yeah, it does, it’s made with eggs.”

Me: “…Eggs aren’t made with milk.”

Host #1: “Well, it doesn’t matter. It goes in the dairy cooler.”

Me: “Oh, okay, my bad. I was just following the instructions on the sheet.”

Host #1: “Yeah, you’re supposed to follow the instructions on that sheet.” 

Me: “…But then I would put the tartar sauce in the non-dairy cooler.”

Host #2: “Well, the sheet just says put the dairy stuff in the dairy cooler, not only the dairy stuff in the dairy cooler.”

Me: “But the sheet says to put non-dairy stuff in the non-dairy cooler…”

Host #1: “Are you trying to make me mad? Do you want me to slap you?”

Me: “Sorry, my contract says I can’t be slapped by people who think eggs make milk.”

I reported the “slap you” comment to the manager, who told me to stop being such a baby and toughen up. Guess I won’t be here too long…