Maybe You Should Belt It Out Louder

, , , , , , | Working | August 8, 2018

(The immigration office requires visitors to undergo a security screening of all bags and miscellaneous items like phones, wallets, etc., similar to an airport screening procedure. I enter the building first; my husband comes in to join me after having found a place to park.)

Security Worker #1: “Put your bags, keys, phone, wallet, and belt in the tray.”

Husband: *places his bag, keys, phone, and wallet in the tray*

Security Worker #1: “Make sure your belt is in the tray.”

Husband: “I don’t have a belt.”

Security Worker #1: “You need to put it in the tray.”

Husband: “There’s no belt.”

Security Worker #1: “No belt?”

Husband: “No belt.”

Security Worker #1: *confused, looks again in tray* “The belt needs to go in the tray.”

Husband: *lifting his sweater and displaying the drawstring* “I have this. I don’t need a belt.”

Security Worker #1: *stares* “No belt?”

Husband: “No belt.”

Security Worker #1: “Okay, go through.”

Husband: *continues to the metal detector, manned by [Security Worker #2]*

Security Worker #2: *looks in tray* “Did you make sure to take your belt off?”

Husband: “I have no belt.”

Security Worker #2: *somewhat incredulously* “No belt?”

Husband: “No belt.”

Security Worker #2: *to [Security Worker #1]* “No belt?”

Security Worker #1: “No belt.”

(As it turns out, we need some extra documents to process our request, so we go home to retrieve said documents. Upon our return, I have my husband wait outside and opt to leave almost everything with him in order to simplify the screening process. I enter the building carrying only my phone, wallet, and the requested paperwork. I place these three items in the tray.)

Security Worker #3: “Your keys, too, ma’am.”

Me: “I don’t have keys.”

Security Worker #3: “Your keys.”

Me: *thinking maybe I somehow misheard* “Did you say my keys, or…?”

Security Worker #3: “Your keys. Like your car keys? They need to go in the tray.”

Me: “I’m not carrying any keys.”

Security Worker #3: “No keys?”

Me: “I didn’t bring any with me today. I have no keys on me.” *patting down empty pockets for emphasis*

(Pause.)

Security Worker #3: “No keys?”

Me: *sigh*

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