Maybe If I Ask For The Exact Same Thing A Fourth Time…

My bookstore has struggled with a program where you get coupons in your email, which you can print up and bring into the store. Then, we get a new cast of “regulars.”

THESE regulars come in every time there is a coupon, pick the cheapest clearance sale book on the shelf, and slap their 20% coupon on top of it. Normally, I don’t care that some random idiot is saving $0.40 on an ancient, out-of-print clearance book, but corporate gets wise to this and adds on every coupon, “Not valid with any other offer,” which immediately causes problems.

Customer: “I want to add this discount.”

Me: *With a pained smile* “I’m sorry, sir, we cannot add your percentage off on top of your already discounted book, but you’re still getting a $15 book for $4.99.”

The man attempts to stare me down. I refuse to have a staring contest with him over his last-chance clearance item.

Me: “Let me know when you’ve made up your mind.”

Customer: “I’ve made up my mind. I want to add this discount to this book.”

Me: *In the best HAL voice I can manage* “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.”

Customer: “I want to add this discount to this book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.”

Customer: “I want this discount on this book!“

Being LOUDER does not make it magically happen!

Me: “Sir, I heard you the first three times you said what you wanted. And I told you three times that I cannot do that. You either need to buy the book at the clearance sale price without the coupon or not buy the book at all.”

He tries to stare me down again. The manager swoops in during the man’s attempt to glare at me, takes the man’s book off the counter, and walks away with it tucked under his arm.

Manager: *With a sweet smile* “Sir, it is obvious that you do not want this book if you cannot get the discount, so I’m going to put it away for you.”

The man stares in shock that anyone would outright block his obsession for being repeatedly denied, and then he chases the manager, bellowing at the top of his lungs that he wants his discount and he wants it now!

He skids to a stop when [Coworker] cuts in and matches him stare for stare. [Coworker] is the kind of guy that looks like a federal agent, or one of the Men In Black.

Coworker: “No.”

That was it. No raised voice, no inflection, no anger. Straight out “No” with this blank, soulless expression.

I was six feet away and my stomach dropped to my ankles and my heart stopped beating. The man, much closer, went dead white, lost his nerve, and fled.

Mysteriously, he never returned to harass us again.