Maybe Her Brain Fell Out Too

(I work as a house manager for a big theatre during a concert. I am standing at one of the bars chatting with a friend when a woman comes up to the bar.)

Woman: “Hi! You remember I came in tonight with a hair tie and flower in my hair?”

(I’d never seen her before that moment, so I say nothing.)

Woman: “I seemed to have lost them both.”

Me: “Would you like for me to go search the seating area for you?”

Woman: “No, that’s okay. I don’t want you to interrupt everyone’s enjoyment of the concert.”

Me: “Well, if you’re sure, then I won’t.”

Woman: “I don’t know. What do you think? I mean I just bought it at the store for like $5.”

Me: “I can go look if you want. I mean it’s part of my job.”

(She waffled on about me going or not going into the seating area where the concert was still going on for like five minutes. At this point I realise she’s a bit drunk.)

Me: “Look, I’ll go in there and have a look around and I promise not to disturb anyone.”

Woman: “Okay, but I wasn’t in my seat the whole time. I was kinda over here.” *she points to an area above us which I know is flat and where she could dance*

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(I hear her calling me back, but I wasn’t going to stand around while she waffled again so I ignore her. I grab a small flashlight from an usher and proceed to look in the general area of where I thought she’d been and even beyond that area. I find nothing, so I go back out to let her know.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I was unable to find a hair tie or clip anywhere in there.”

Woman: “Wow. That’s really weird. I mean who would steal something like that?”

Me: *thinking she lost it before she arrived* “I really don’t know.”

Woman: “Okay, I guess I’ll go.”

Me: “Do you have a ride?”

Woman: “I’ll just take a taxi.”

Me: “Okay, then, just go out the front of the theatre and you’ll be able to find one quickly.”

Woman: “Thanks for your help!” *she gives me a hug* “And this is for you!” *she pushes a glass of champagne in my direction and wanders off*

(Once she was gone, the bartender informed me that the woman asked her if she thought I was really looking for her stuff or if I’d just gone in to enjoy the concert a bit and would lie about searching. She also assured me that the woman hadn’t touched the champagne nor had she paid for it.)