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Maybe Don’t Go Out In The Invisibility Cloak

, , , , , | Working | March 3, 2020

(My friend refers to me as her “Invisible Friend,” because whenever we are out together, I seem to disappear from everyone else’s view but her own. We decide to stop at a large department store while we’re out shopping. We pick up some random items and stand in line chatting at the register, which has an automatic conveyor belt. My friend is ahead of me and continues to chat with me as the cashier rings up her purchases.)

Cashier: *reaching over the plastic wand that separates orders* “Are these yours?”

Friend: “No, those are hers.” *indicating me*

Cashier: “Wait, who?”

Friend: “My friend here. She wants to buy those.”

Cashier: “Are these yours or not?”

Me: “They’re mine. I’m paying for those.”

Cashier: “Do you want me to put them back?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m going to buy those. Separately.”

Friend: “That’s her stuff. I can pay for my stuff now.”

Cashier: *looking slightly dazed, like I just materialized* “Oh! That’s her stuff!”

(As I cash out, my friend wanders over to a pretzel kiosk. It’s been hours since we’ve eaten and we still have a few stops to make, so she and I agree a pretzel would be a delicious snack. I stand behind my friend to make a queue. She orders her pretzel, pays, and receives said pretzel. I step up to the counter. And the person behind the counter looks at me, turns around, and walks to the back. At first, I assume she’s grabbing more stock or getting something out of the oven, but no. She walks over to a chair and sits down, pulls out her phone, and starts fiddling with it.)

Friend: “Excuse me?”

Worker: “I already gave you your food. What do you want?”

Friend: “She—” *gestures to me* “—would like a pretzel, too.”

Worker: “I already gave you a pretzel.”

Friend: “Yes, but she wants to buy one, too.”

Worker: *walks back up to the counter* “Fine. What can I get you?”

Me: “I’d like a regular pretzel with salt and a medium diet soda.”

Worker: *looking at my friend* “What do you want?”

Friend:She would like a regular pretzel with salt and a medium diet soda.”

Worker: “I just gave you a pretzel.”

Friend:It’s for her!

Me:Hi! I’d like a regular pretzel with salt and a medium diet soda, please.”

Worker: *sighs loudly, retrieves the order, and then speaks to my friend* “That’ll be [total].”

Me: *hands over cash*

Worker:Oh! This one is for you!

(Yes, it took that long for me to suddenly appear. I’m not sure why I’m invisible, but this happens often. Really messes with my sense of reality!)

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